GREY

A Tale of a Woman stuck in the Grey Zones

With the beginning of a New Year,

Her Soul that was Withered and Shattered,

Went through a major transformation,

It was the long awaited moments of Spiritual Awakening,

As her Earth Realities changed,

She embraced her true persona and flew unfettered.

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She realised she was never an extreme,

Neither the Epitome of Good,

Nor a Paragon of Evil,

She was a Paradox,

Benign yet Impassive.

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She was never a Friend to be called upon for Benefits,

But then she was also not the Commitment that one called a Relationship,

She was a Strings Attached,

Never given a Closure,

Used in accordance to Whims and Fancies,

An Obscure and Cavernous bond of a Situationship.

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Somewhere down the lane of the year begone,

She lost her Passion for a Romance Eternal.

She wasn’t the one you’d want,

If you wanted an everlasting ardor,

She was one holding on to the last vestiges of humanity to feel Alive,

So all she can provide is Love Universal.

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She wasn’t the Fury nor was she the Calm,

Despite the Pandemonium within her heart and mind,

She seemed at Peace with her Inner Self ,

This impressed upon the watching eye,

And she appeared to them as Divine and Ethereal.

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However, at the end of it all,

The realization hit her long and hard,

The cognizance that she was neither the Black nor the White,

She was just somewhere betwixt,

A Perfect Meld of all the shades GREY;

She was Devoid of Sadness,

But No; There was no Happiness,

Just a Soulful Numbness.

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All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar.

The Soul’s Urge©| 2019

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MONSOON YEARNINGS

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“A Tale of the Longing that arrives with the Monsoons”

The morning is dark yet refreshing.

The clouds thundering above me.

Sitting outside in the open I am thinking of you,

As the rain drops fall upon my skin;

I imagine you in them,

They sear my skin with a burning passion,

As they trickle down my body,

And serenade me.

 

The afternoon is cold,

There is silence everywhere,

Except for the soft pitter patter of raindrops.

I am on my bed listening to the sounds when,

There is a sudden urge to hold you.

Despite knowing you aren’t here,

I want to touch you.

The bedsheets crumple beneath my hands,

As I claw at them,

Calling out your name;

Disturbing the peace of the scene.

Those hidden desires resurface again,

The delirious moans and the whispers that follow,

With a mere imagination of your presence,

Titillate me to the core,

Driving me insane.

 

In the evening I feel spent and tired,

I sit outside again,

Staring at the mist settling upon the hills beyond.

They look so beautiful, I want to capture them,

Wishing I could share the landscape with you.

 

The night arrives bright and ethereal,

The moon shining upon me,

A velvety blanket of stars surrounding it.

It looks crystal clear yet hides the night’s enigma underneath..

I remember your love for the nights and smile,

As I realized I have fallen for you and it has been a while.

 

Memories come rushing through and I am reminded of the time with you,

The sky still remains the only constant that we share,

As another day of the Monsoons passes,

With me yearning for you.

 

 

All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar.

The Soul’s Urge©|2018

ETERNITY

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“A Short Tale of a Lifetime of Romance”

 

When I am with him,

I don’t want him to look at another woman longingly,

Wishing it had worked out with her.

 

Instead I want to be the woman,

He can look right into the eye,

And thank his stars that it never worked out with others.

I want to be the woman,

Who is recognized by his heart and soul,

As the one;

Who has loved him Eternally,

And will stand by him through Eternity.

 

 

All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar.

The Soul’s Urge©|2018

CAPTAIN’S RESPONSES

This was something I had been wanting to do since a very long time. This happened at the time when I wrote ‘The Point’ and a very special person thought the last lines were about him. Being a writer himself he responded in writing and for the next three days both of us kept conversing in verses. Just an Overview.

He was quite upset after reading the poem. He felt he had been clubbed with the rest of the men mentioned in it. His response after reading ‘The Point’:

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I understood he was upset. It shocked and intrigued me that he felt it was about him.  My response to the above verse was:

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His response to me was:

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This was enough to tell me that he was angry. I can’t see him like that. He is someone who inspires me and I share a beautiful bond with him so I responded with:

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Well, after all these verses  he did come around and responded with:

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I was surprised as well as delighted after reading the above verse. I realized he had taken the time to understand and had actually grasped that I am not able to express myself during our oral conversations and it made me smile. So my response was:

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With this our verses about ‘The Point’ ended.

Dedicated to a certain “Captain”. A man who has been the inspiration behind many of my writings and has always stayed with me, even through the darker times. Both of us have never defined the bond we share but it is there.

Whether we stay in touch everyday or we don’t speak for days but always remember you are never far from my thoughts, my heart and my desires. Every time we get back in touch, it never feels like we ever stopped talking. Our connection is like a book which we might stop reading for a while but each time we turn the pages it never feels like we left as it exudes the same amount of charm as it did the first time; so when we take it up from the page where we left, it never makes us feel that we did.

Thankyou and a heartfelt gratitude for coming into my life, for being there by my side and  for actually staying there.

All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar.

The Soul’s Urge©|2018

TERRITORY

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“The Tale of the Submission of an Alpha”

No, she was not waiting for a knight in shining armor,

Neither was she on a lookout for a Prince Charming;

Nor did she want the moons and stars.

All she craved for was a real man who could dare to date a strong, independent woman,

Someone who had the mettle to tolerate her stubborness,

A man bold enough to correct her if she was wrong;

She wanted a man who was proud to call her his own,

A man who accepted her for who she was.

An Alpha as she was,

Fierce, Stable and Wild;

She never expected to find such a guy.

But she got a lot more when he arrived on the scene,

A man who questioned her dominance at every stage.

She never feared the fire as she was one herself,

But with him everything was different.

Her confidence wavered for the very first time,

It still does whenever she is around him.

She became a nervous wreck,

And The butterflies he gave her;

Made even her words lose track.

He was a man who loved all shades of her,

And her darker shades intrigued him even more.

She clearly acknowledged his dominance,

And understood her defiance was in vain.

But the hostile Alpha inside,

Refused to be tamed,

It kept testing her mate;

Trying to hurt him every few miles,

Just to make her submission seem Worthwhile.

When he refused to budge,

Even the Alpha got hooked,

The fact that got her addicted to him;

He knew how lethal she was,

Yet had the audacity to mark her as his TERRITORY.

 

 

All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar.

The Soul’s Urge©|2018

 

 

FLY

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“A Tale of A Woman answering those people who can’t bear to see her FLYING against Societal Norms”

I am not afraid to be the ugly duckling,

Being called different is what I find pleasing,

I don’t follow your societal norms,

So don’t judge me in accordance to your thoughts.

Don’t pass judgements on me,

Because I might look up to people,

For what they have gone through for me;

But you are not allowed to decree,

That I am a shadow to thee.

Shadows in relationships is what society decides,

I don’t follow those binds,

I am a personality that is unique on my own,

I don’t care what others think,

To each his own.

Don’t underestimate my achievements,

If I don’t show doesn’t mean I don’t know,

I can read your psyche well,

But till I don’t reach the levels I want to attain,

I will still keep my head calm and at an even pace.

Don’t think I am dying of neglect,

Please keep such thoughts to yourself,

Kids crave for the pampering and attention,

Heads turn  at a mature woman’s mere mention.

Just because I don’t fall in your circle,

Doesn’t mean I don’t have the ability to create a furore;

I am a raging storm kept under marvellous control inside,

Introverted I might be but you don’t want the tempest to reach outside,

It has the ability to destroy you if you collide.

You can call me ice cold or a burning fury,

It is a complex task to read me;

So refrain from stereotyping me.

Don’t blame me for sometimes letting it out,

I am not walking the path you pave,

I am in search for new horizons,

Don’t decide my acumen,

With your preconceived notions.

Don’t bring me on edge with your taunts,

Hurting people is not my goal;

It is not my clothes, behaviour or my past decisions

that define me all,

Showing me your shrewdness on that basis,

Proves your thought process shallow.

Don’t blame me for taking a stand,

I am not you,

And I am not scared of relaying this fact to you;

My perception and wisdom have a different take than yours,

Don’t try to fit them under your opinions and beliefs.

You haven’t been through the turmoil I have,

I keep everything under wraps,

There are a lot many things that have put me to test,

In the darker nights you weren’t present.

I don’t want to live in the past,

There are reasons I never look back,

I have changed a lot over the years,

You might not have noticed.

 I know who I am through and through,

That’s something you need to clearly know,

I am a Queen with her own choices;

I know the people who will stand by me are few,

That is the reason I keep my profile low.

I have escaped from the snares of the time gone by,

Don’t make me revisit it by bringing it up time and again.

I know how your mind is going to work,

So No this poem is not frustration being vented out,

It is not a tale of a rebel child who needs to mature;

This is just to make you understand that time has taken a toll,

I am not the girl you used to know,

I am a woman with dreams and goals,

A lady who knows her mettle,

And is not afraid to voice her opinions.

Now,

All I want in life is to soar high,

Because my wings were made to FLY.

 

 

All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar.

The Soul’s Urge©|2018

 

WHERE IS CHAOS?

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“A Bizzare Tale of the Dreamland”

It was a weird dream I saw,

Today in the morning at four.

There was a small black panther traversing my dreamland,

I caught him and covered him with a cloth;

I wanted to protect him from this brutal world.

There was a bridge which I carried him across,

Cradled in my arms like a baby,

I just wanted to take him home.

There were policemen standing at the bridge’s end,

And they wouldn’t let me into the main city,

With anything suspicious in hand,

I had no other option  but to tell them the whole scene,

I was going to but somehow he slipped out of my grasp.

He entered the city and created a lot of hue and cry,

I ran after him remembering I had sworn to protect him,

I found him running for his life afraid of the din and noise,

I caught him by the neck and cradled him again,

As I took him home that night.

A weirder scene met me at home,

My mother was cooking in the kitchen,

And a tigress was polishing her nails sitting at the door;

My mother treated it like it had always existed,

And I paid it as much attention as I do to my pet dogs.

I brought the Panther inside and named him CHAOS,

Due to the furore created by him,

Amongst the people of the city.

I caressed my other pets and  went to get food for Chaos;

A bizarre sight awaited me when I reached the kitchen,

The tigress was licking her well painted nails,

And the color was a bright red.

She also wore studs and a necklace,

Which shone in the luminous light of the kitchen bulb.

I found some milk for Chaos and with a bowl in hand,

I went in search for him but nowhere was he found,

I searched inside and outside but I had lost him,

At the end I was all stricken and panicked,

I was still asking,

“Where is Chaos?”

By this time I woke up from this vivid dream,

But it was stuck in my head the whole day.

Trying to make sense out of this fantastical dream,

The question still revolves in my head,

A sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach and my heart in flutters,

Whenever I ask, “Where is Chaos?”

 

All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar.

The Soul’s Urge©|2018