NUMBED WITH LOVE

A Tale of a Woman Numbed with Love but who refuses to Compromise in Love

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All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar.

The Soul’s Urge©|2019

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CORE

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“An Ode to the Iron woman of my Life: My Mother”

 She is tenacious and she is bold,

She is the CORE strength of my being.

She is freedom, she is care,

She is the woman who lets my wilderness, freely flow;

As she believes adventure is a way of finding your soul.

She is my backbone, she is my pillar,

She has been my crutch through my failures.

She is a teacher and sometimes a friend

yet both of us stay at loggerheads.

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The dynamics of our relationship are such,

Like a lion and a bull coming in touch.

We  remain calmly in each other’s domain,

but a slight ignition awakens the Alphas in us;

And makes all hell raise.

We both revel in nature,

We tend to loose ourselves in it.

Travel is how we find solace,

The only time when there are no tussels;

And we match each other’s pace.

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I never express much,

I have never been the kind.

It is in my anatomy I say;

As lesser display of affection,

is something from you that I have imbibed.

Our turbulent connection is one of a kind,

But that is exactly how we bind.

 I have changed over the years,

It took you long to realise;

And I know it still leaves you frustrated at times.

Till now you had been in search,

of the impression of your innocent child;

Which you were never able to find.

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I have countless flaws,

Never have I been the perfect child;

Still you have stood by me through it all.

Cold and callous I have been called,

Yet what I have put you through,

brings tears to my eyes;

I want to apologize for all my wrongs.

Mamma

Life has tested you time and again,

I had been watching it since chidhood;

but it was when the harsh realities of life made sense,

that the hurdles you faced, I understood.

I am a practical person as you very well know,

so I rarely say the phrase;

 I love and admire you,

For me you are a divine entity in play.

Wonderwoman, Superwoman, I have seen them all;

I can see their personification,

when my eyes, upon you, I lay.

I try to respect and love you through my actions,

yet my piercing words make everything go astray.

I know your heart is all embracing and forgiving,

yet I want to apologize for all the things said and done;

your blessings and never ending support for the road ahead is all I ask.

 

 

 

All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar.

The Soul’s Urge©|2018

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

UNDEFINED

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“A Tale of the Undefined yet Special & seemingly DIVINE Bonds”

I never realised when I reached the juncture,

where I could talk about you forever.

All of your positive traits at that;

When it is about you,

Nothing negative escapes my lips ever.

People ask me when do you reach this point,

To tell the truth,

I have absolutely no reason to the when and how;

It started from the very first moment I heard your voice,

It was something that happened in an instant.

 

Looking back at our story today,

I still smile and glow.

Despite being teased time and again,

I  still feel pleased by the intensity of the bond.

People also ask me,

what is the status of this journey so far,

To this I always have an answer;

It is UNDEFINED,

I say;

That’s the beauty of it all.

 

Sometimes the distance unnerves me,

All I want in those moments;

is your presence,

with your arms around me;

as  you happen to be the safe haven I have always envisaged.

 

Our paths crossed,

it has never seemed a coincidence.

The chaotic yet peaceful mess it has created,

the way you became a part of my soul;

Makes it seem like divinity is in play on the whole.

 

 

All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar.

The Soul’s Urge©|2018

 

THE POINT

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“A Satirical Tale about the Point whence I stopped believing in Eternal Love”

I am tired of pleading people to love me,

The realisation that my real self does not interest them,

has finally dawned on me.

All I want right now is for all these men;

to let me be.

I tried loving once,

it was a puppy love, the kind you fall in at school,

it seemed so pure and true.

It ended when I realised that he was a dunce,

Besides me, there were three others in the lieu.

Oh the perils of love!!

Never will I love again, I took an oath that day;

but then time passes and things tend to change,

And I wasn’t able to keep things at bay.

I fell in love again, the shock came,

when I read his status on facebook one day,

stating he was gay.

He ended things on this note with me;

how cruel and deceptive can this world be,

I realised to my utter dismay.

No! No! No! I absolutely won’t love again,

I kept reminding myself after this instance,

as I fought with the pain.

But God’s work was not over with me,

and love crept up yet again;

My resistance, well, it was all in vain.

To this man I gave my all,

In hopes that he might stay;

it all ended in a debacle,

as another woman made his attention stray away,

so its obvious I had to leave him anyway.

I grew up with time,

All these love flings, I felt, were lessons of life.

I was in search for stability when I stumbled upon a person,

who I felt would be, worth the while.

I was happy and felt wanted,

after years of yearning;

But I guess I should have known better,

after all the years of learning.

His confusion and instable mind,

unnerved me to no extent.

I knew I was a prize,

At the end’ I had to quit;

I couldn’t stay with someone,

unsure about me.

I had finally decided I won’t look back,

then a person came and tried to heal me.

Heaven knows he was shattered more than me,

yet he made me laugh and smile.

He reasoned with his tact,

I knew he wasn’t over his latter love;

As he tried to rescue me I could sense his broken heart,

He needed the healing more than I did.

Despite having read it all,

I fell for him without refrain;

I tried hard not to but he had me chained.

I was shackled in his snares but this time round,

I knew better than to share.

This was the POINT, where come what may;

I knew I won’t love someone who treated me as a second choice,

someone with whom my inner self I couldn’t bare.

The point at which I could tolerate the ignorance,

bear the pain of separation, miss my whole existence,

but bowing down to someone who didn’t care

was worse than the pain of the cold shoulders and angry glares.

It was the point when I wanted to be with someone,

not for the avarice but for the romance;

Someone who would love my actual soul and not the facades I wear on a daily roll,

Someone who had the balls to accept me and never be deceitful towards me on the whole.

It was the point whence I knew without err that if a man couldn’t handle me,

fair and square,

then he didn’t deserve me at all.

My tryst with myself would continue for a lifetime,

even if such a man did not come my way,

this I forswear.

All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar.

The Soul’s Urge©|2018

CLOSURE

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“A small Tale of the Incomplete Chapters”

Life is a hysterical riot, the stories it weaves create an uproar without bias .

Chapters with a climax are easier to tackle,

as they face the axe after a definite end;  granting blissful freedom from their shackles.

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Hurtful are the chapters that lie incomplete,

as worthwhile enough to don the cloak of CLOSURE; they are never deemed.

 

 

All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar.

The Soul’s Urge©|2018

SERENITY & PEACE

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“A Tale of Growing Up and attaining Peace”

People say I have changed.

I haven’t;

I just grew up with the passage of time.

I refused to be used and pushed around.

I stopped reaching out to people who did not reach out to me.

I  ceased to trust people who I knew would betray me.

I started depending on myself and began to value what I had.

I freed myself from the snares of the past and came out wiser.

I realised I had showered rarely seen selfless love on the undeserving.

I accepted the reality of life with a calm and reignited the fire within me.

I found my soul in the process and with it true SERENITY & PEACE.

 

All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar.

The Soul’s Urge©|2018

 

 

CONFLICT

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“A Tale of the Heart versus the Mind”

You are my first thought in the morning and the last one at night.

 It brightens my day, bringing a blushing smile on my face

and

fills me with warmth, in the dark,  trying to lull me to a peaceful sleep.

Many nights I don’t want to close my eyes because I can feel your arms around me.

My mind knows its an illusion but even then the heart is scared to lose the warmth, so it clings on,

 refusing to embrace the astral darkness. 

There are mornings when I don’t want to open my eyes because I can feel your presence beside me.

My mind imagined you with me as we roamed around in my dreamland

but

then the heart is afraid that the dream will break as it knows you won’t be there when I wake up to the new day.

This fight goes on forever, the mind wins some days

and

the heart takes over many nights,

It is my soul that never finds peace, due to the eternal CONFLICT.

 

All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar.

The Soul’s Urge©|2018