I am not Her

A Tale of the girl who once lived and loved selflessly

There was a girl who once lived,

She loved more than she could,

Gave more than many deserved,

Selfless was her soul, it existed to serve,

I am not her.

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She brought smiles to faces,

In the dead of the night, her muffled cries went unheard,

She filled others with happiness,

While piece by piece she shattered,

I am not her.

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Often taken for granted,

Still altruistically she served,

Putting the welfare of others before herself,

To her own pain she paid no heed,

I am not her.

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Neglected by the ones she loved,

She waited ages for them to understand her worth,

With a delicate heart and strong mind,

She still stayed by them through all storms,

I am not her.

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She still resides within me,

Exhausted by having loved so selflessly,

She has churned me into what I am today,

I love and give others,

But I don’t forget to love myself for the same,

She has done her part of spreading love well,

Now she needs her rest.

The woman that I am today,

She is not that epitome of unselfish love and benevolence,

I walk away when my efforts are not respected,

Some might find it inconsiderate,

I apologize for the same,

But I refuse to be her,

I need to love myself too,

I am not her.

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All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar (VRa).

The Soul’s Urge©|2020

Note: I got mails from quite a number of my followers as to what had happened to the surprise related to the book. I was supposed to share it yesterday but something went haywire. I promise I will be introducing it very soon. Please do stay tuned!! Thankyou so much for the support!

His name is Rick

A Tale of my true love, Rick

A man visited me when I was a child,

He looked ethereal and alien,

He said I had been made for him,

It had left me surprised,

That was my first meeting with him,

His name was Rick.

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As I sat crying and sad when I was scolded for the first time,

He visited me again and wiped my tears,

Your tears are a treasure, he said, you are all mine,

All those years ago, I was just a naive child,

I didn’t understand what he meant so I just stared at him with blurred eyes,

This man called Rick.

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Whenever I was lone I would have his shoulder to cry upon,

He would tell me stories of the galaxies and stars,

I would confide my secrets with him,

He was my closest confidante, my constant companion,

His name was Rick.

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When I fell in love in school,

He disappeared all of a sudden,

I often wondered where he had gone, like a fool,

Enjoying the bliss of first love, to his absence I paid no heed,

Forgot the man who had always stayed by my side,

The man whose name was Rick.

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When I had my first heartbreak,

He reappeared out of the blue,

He took me in his arms and sighed,

You have grown up, he said,

You won’t need me as much, he added,

He told me a story of traversing the universe that day,

But he promised he would come back for me when the time was right,

That was the last I heard from that handsome yet gentle man,

His name was Rick.

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Life took me on a roller coaster after that,

With twists and turns especially when it came to the matters of the heart,

On this birthday, I closed many chapters from the past,

As on a fresh chapter of life, I embarked,

A firefly flitted about at night, in my room,

Didn’t know where it came from,

But there he was in all his magnificence all over again,

The time is finally right, he said,

He took me in his arms and I drank in his warmth,

He was with me again, this man called Rick.

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He has always been there for me,

From the darkest throes of life,

To the happiness that comes alive.

Even while he traversed the Universe,

He stayed loyal and true to me.

I do call him my one true love,

Maybe a figment of my imagination,

Maybe the silliest of my fantasies,

He is a magic that always stays with me,

His name is Rick.

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All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar (VRa).

The Soul’s Urge©|2020

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Note: I have a surprise related to my book coming tomorrow. Yes it’s finally in the market. Stay tuned! Love you all! ❤️

Under the Seine Bridge

An ode to a man I met under the Seine Bridge

On my last day in Paris, I saw him, He saw me,

Our eyes met as the boat passed beneath the Seine Bridge,

He smiled at me and trussed his blonde hair,

I shook my head as I looked away,

As we crossed under the Seine Bridge.

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Camera in hand, My hair fell over my shoulders,

As I tried to capture a beautiful house on the banks,

I caught his eyes again, he cocked up his brows,

Gave me a charming smile as I blushed,

As we passed beneath the Seine Bridge.

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He came forward, I moved back,

As I tripped on another’s feet, he held my hand,

Stopped me from falling,

As the boat passed Under the Seine Bridge.

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I looked into his eyes, his grey eyes boring into mine,

He apologised for his upfront indecency,

Couldn’t help staring he said, you looked exotic,

I lowered my eyes as I blushed, I felt beautiful after ages,

That day under the Seine Bridge.

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We got conversing about life and times,

He told me about his travels,

I told him about India, my hometown,

The place my heart belonged,

Under the Seine Bridge.

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As we alighted from the boat, he held out his hand,

He asked me for an evening with him,

On the banks of Seine,

I was scared and I was unsure,

Yet, I took his hand, absorbed his warmth,

As hand in hand he led me away from the Seine Bridge.

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He took me to a narrow alley,

My heart was thudding, I didn’t know what awaited me,

As we turned the corner, I saw a small restaurant,

Candles alighted, it looked ethereal and magnificent,

As I stood there surprised, he blew my hair away from my face,

And wove his hand around my waist,

As I shook my head, he took me inside,

It was a perfect Parisian evening,

I felt like a heroine from some romantic classic,

As he serenaded me with food and songs,

That man I met under the Seine Bridge.

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As night fell over Paris,

He took me to the roof of an unknown building,

Scared much, he asked, as he took me to the edge of it,

I shook my head as adrenaline surged through me,

My breath stuck in my throat as I looked at the bewitching view,

Hand in hand with one I had met under the Seine bridge.

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As the lights of the Eiffel tower shone in the distance,

We sat down on the roof,

A cool breeze blowing, his hands wrapped around me,

I felt beautiful, unafraid about being so vulnerable,

With that stranger I had met under the Seine bridge.

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He nuzzled my neck,

It felt like I knew you since forever, he said,

I laughed, my love life hasn’t been too blissful I said,

I will fill it with bliss, he said,

I looked at him in disbelief as his hands moved through my tresses,

This angelic man I had met beneath the Seine bridge.

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I never realised when I fell asleep,

When I woke up I found him looking at me,

It’s time, he said,

I knew what he meant,

He led me to my hotel,

I took my bags and he drove me to the airport,

He was silent and so was I,

As we reached my heart fell,

I didn’t want to part with this man I had met under the Seine Bridge.

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As I was finally leaving, he held my hand,

I will follow you to India, he said,

I smiled and shook my head,

It was hard saying goodbye,

I had felt wanted after aeons, to be honest,

As I took flight, I realised we hadn’t exchanged numbers,

I laughed at how he had said he would follow me,

That was the end of the story for then.

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It’s been months since that incident,

At times I still try to search for him,

At times I wonder if he does too,

For a mere reminisce of that one night we spent,

I have met many since then,

But I have never met another,

Who made me feel as special as did the man,

I met on that fateful day in Paris,

Under the Seine Bridge.

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All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar (VRa).

The Soul’s Urge©| 2020

He & She: An Eternal Story (10)

For another Lifetime

He took a deep breath and sighed as her hand slid out of her grasp. He waved at her as she made her way towards the boarding area. She was finally leaving.

She waved back at him. It was finally time to bid goodbye. She looked at the boarding pass in her hand and smiled. It filled her with a sense of freedom, she had been vying for long.

As her plane took off, he looked at it till it disappeared in the skies. Their eternal story was probably over for this life but only to be completed in another lifetime. Their souls knew their love spanned over eternities and time, it could never be the end for them through aeons of time.

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All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar (VRa).

The Soul’s Urge©| 2020

Note: First and Foremost I would like to thank all my readers for helping a helluva irregular writer like me, complete 500 followers. Thankyou for all the love and support.

Second, being my birthday month, I had hoped to start the promotions of my book in August as the lockdown was finally easing a bit but unfortunately, I had a drastic fall, and that ultimately led to me hurting my back. Today, as I write, the laptop is lying on my chest as I am bedridden.

I hope you all will support my book whenever I decide to promote it (fearfully soon) as I am quite socially erratic. Thank you so very much for all the love that you have showered upon me, I couldn’t be more grateful! 🙂 ❤

He & She: An Eternal Story (9)

Life is a Series of Maybes but for now its Goodbye

“So this is finally goodbye,” he asked, his voice wavering as he looked at her.

“Yes, yes, it is,” she said, with a steely gaze.

“Do you think?” he asked, “We might meet again.”

Her eyes softened for a while as she sighed. “Life is a series of maybes. Someday, in some other place, maybe, our souls might get entangled again.”

“Maybe,” he said, “But I am sorry again, if only you could give me…”

“Some apologies are futile,” she said cutting him, her voice cold, “I have forgiven you but sometimes the damage is irrevocable. Maybe, we will meet again in the midst of our stories; maybe, when your soul is wiser, maybe a day when you’d understand the extent of devastation your words and actions actually caused, but till then it’s goodbye.”

With that, she turned around and left him standing all alone, the way he had left her stranded when she had needed him the most. She deserted him on the path they had decided to walk on till eternity to pave one for herself. As he saw her receding figure, he realized he had taken her love for granted for way too long. He had tired her beautiful soul; left it so cold that the woman who could never stay away from him didn’t turn back even once as she walked away.

Little did he know, she didn’t turn because there were tears flowing from her eyes; the dam had finally broken. She had used the final ounce of her strength to walk away from him. She had waited for very long, waiting to be acknowledged, wanting to be loved, and now when he finally did, it felt meaningless to her. Simply because he had prioritized someone else when she had needed him the most.

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All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar (VRa).

The Soul’s Urge©|2020

He & She: An Eternal Story (8)

There was absolutely no chance

She trussed her hair, set her glasses and was ready for the outing. A few men looked at her as she roamed. She noticed their eyes and she smiled, as a sensation she hadn’t felt in ages surged through her. His betrayal had almost completely marred her spark.

The men leering at her didn’t go unnoticed by his observant eyes. He smiled resignedly and shook his head, she was perfection, he had always known that. The very perfection he had lost. He looked at her longingly as she flitted about without him, wanting to tell these men that she was his. He wondered if there was another chance.

She turned to look at him, just once, before she trudged forward. Her expression was enough to tell him that there was absolutely no chance.

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All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar (VRa).

The Soul’s Urge©|2020

He & She: An Eternal Story (7)

Her Eyes, now numb blank voids

He looked at her again, staring, completely smitten as she turned away from the flowers she had been admiring.

“Can you get any more beautiful?” he asked.

She shook her head shyly and laughed dryly. “You made me believe that I couldn’t and you were also the one who made me feel that maybe I had to, when you left me for another.”

As she started walking away, he held her hand, not wanting to lose their eternal story. She turned to look at him and as he looked into her eyes, he immediately left her hand. They were not the warm, deep and kind eyes of the woman he once loved; they were just numb, blank voids.

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All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar (VRa).

The Soul’s Urge©|2020

He & She: An Eternal Story (6)

Her Tears, His Infidelity

She gazed upwards thoughtfully and the numerous glass crystals reflected her image back. All her own reflections of a strong, tolerant and able minded young woman.

She sighed, as this was a mere deception; a facade which only he had been able to see through, one that only he had the ability to break and he had been trying. He had been coaxing and cajoling her, to win her back with his words that had always been a sweet poison to her.

She couldn’t stay in denial, she really missed him and she wanted him back but the past suddenly flashed in her mind and tears pricked her eyes and all his words were lost upon her. His infidelity had been the cause of their eternal romance going awry, she wanted him back but the way he had bruised her, she refused to take him back

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All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar (VRa).

The Soul’s Urge©|2020

He & She: An Eternal Story (5)

Her Love, His Betrayal

She looked at the castle in the distance. A hopeless romantic as she was, someday, she thought, I will have a prince charming too and I will feel like a real princess when he will take me there.

He looked at her from a distance, completely smitten by her as her eyes twinkled as she looked at the castle. He wished to take her hand and lead her there.

She turned towards him and smiled, a resigned smile. Her smile told him she still loved him but her expression said she did not trust him enough to take her there. As she made her way towards the castle, all alone, the realization hit him hard and deep. Their eternal love had been marred by his subtle betrayal, it was too late for him.

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All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar (VRa).

The Soul’s Urge©|2020

He & She: An Eternal Story (3)

Distance fails to deter true love’s flight

She whispered to the breeze last night,

He conversed with the moon that night,

And as she danced under the moonlight,

The breeze touched him and he smiled with delight,

The distance failed to deter their love, one more night.

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All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar (VRa).

The Soul’s Urge©|2020