EXISTENCE

Tale of a Strong Woman with a Dead Soul who finds her Existence Pointless

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She wanted to be the girl in his poems,
The one he would never forget.
She wanted to be the girl in his sketches,
The one he would always need,
Just like the air he breathes.
She wanted to be the girl in his dreams,
The one he would fight for,
One he would forever be at the side of.

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Instead she became the girl who wrote odes to her pain,
In trying to become his muse,
She lost her own self.
The girl who pretended to be happy even when sad,
Tried to be strong even when weak,
All this just for him;
Her hollow eyes had no expression,
When she realised she was so replaceable, so easily forgotten.

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Even after all that, Lust driven men chased after her,
Trying to claw at the numb remains of a body, with a shattered soul,
Nobody seemed to care, she had emotions too.

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Left Uncared & Unloved for, people sing praises of her strength,
The girl who became her own muse.
A girl who seems stone cold,
Shrouded in a constant mystery,
One who loved and fought with all her being,
something the ones in her life failed to reciprocate.
A wounded tigress they call her,
But she is just a girl with a dead soul,
One whose tears fail to flow,
One who feels she has no regrets, To the extent that,
She finds her mere Existence pointless.

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All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar.

The Soul’s UrgeĀ©|2019

LIFETIME

“Tale of an Innocent Inspiration, A Forever Bond, one that makes you feel cherished for a Lifetime”

Do you ever wonder why you rarely become my muse?

It’s not that you don’t inspire,

You have always been there,

Inspiring me more than anybody else.

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The journey with you has been way too long,
From the days of yore,
When we were innocent and naive,
To getting entangled in the snares of life,
That changed us slightly and then some more.

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Over the years,
You are still as honest as the time we were kids,
Me, Maybe not as chaste,
Time and tide have taken a toll,
I am not even an ounce of what I was anymore.

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Yet through it all,
Having you beside,
Has been a blessing in disguise.
You are a man who has always made me believe,
That maybe, just maybe, forever is not a lie.

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The times have been many,
When without any intention,
In one blissful moment,
You have made me feel cherished for a Lifetime,
And trust me,
It’s an emotion even words fail to describe.

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P.S.: To that one childhood bond that went from an innocent friendship to something way more deep. To An innocent, honest, insane yet logical man with a golden heart. One who has always refused to leave no matter how crazy life gets. Here is to almost 10 years of illogical conversations, senseless fights, misunderstandings, the long dry spells of not talking and the lifetime kind of bond despite the distances. I love you, Anchor Boy.Ā  Stay the same, never change.Ā Ā 

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.Ā 

All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar.

The Soul’s UrgeĀ©|2019

GREY

A Tale of a Woman stuck in the Grey Zones

With the beginning of a New Year,

Her Soul that was Withered and Shattered,

Went through a major transformation,

It was the long awaited moments of Spiritual Awakening,

As her Earth Realities changed,

She embraced her true persona and flew unfettered.

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She realised she was never an extreme,

Neither the Epitome of Good,

Nor a Paragon of Evil,

She was a Paradox,

Benign yet Impassive.

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She was never a Friend to be called upon for Benefits,

But then she was also not the Commitment that one called a Relationship,

She was a Strings Attached,

Never given a Closure,

Used in accordance to Whims and Fancies,

An Obscure and Cavernous bond of a Situationship.

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Somewhere down the lane of the year begone,

She lost her Passion for a Romance Eternal.

She wasn’t the one you’d want,

If you wanted an everlasting ardor,

She was one holding on to the last vestiges of humanity to feel Alive,

So all she can provide is Love Universal.

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She wasn’t the Fury nor was she the Calm,

Despite the Pandemonium within her heart and mind,

She seemed at Peace with her Inner Self ,

This impressed upon the watching eye,

And she appeared to them as Divine and Ethereal.

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However, at the end of it all,

The realization hit her long and hard,

The cognizance that she was neither the Black nor the White,

She was just somewhere betwixt,

A Perfect Meld of all the shades GREY;

She was Devoid of Sadness,

But No; There was no Happiness,

Just a Soulful Numbness.

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All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar.

The Soul’s UrgeĀ©| 2019

DIFFERENCE

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“A Tale of an Attack on a Woman’s Integrity that has made a huge Difference”

Because darling each time you ponder what went wrong,

My answer won’t change with the apologies that time brings along.

I have been hurt many a times before,

I am a fighter,

Something you knew from the beginning,

And said you understood to the very core.

To tell me I can’t handle a simple truth,

You had the audacity,

When it was you who was afraid to face it,

You should have thought twice over your choice of words.

You called me a queen,

But a queen is powerful and intuitive,

This you ought to have known.

Never afraid to walk away,

Always a rarity,

She can carve her own pathway.

Many statements have been spoken afore,

But those were mere attacks on my ego and vanity.

But sweetheart, yes, there was a variation,

Because yours was a brutal attack on my dignity

And the very strength of my integrity.

It created an abysmal gulf between my Forgiveness and Indifference.

And that, Dear Heart, has made all the DIFFERENCE.

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All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar.

The Soul’s UrgeĀ©|2018

PATH

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“A Short Tale of Paving the Path to Advancement”

She isĀ  trying to advance in life,

She is trying to carve a path that reaches him,

She is trying to be the best version of herself.

 

If she is able to pave the PATH that leads to him,

by the monsoons of the impending year;

Then trust her,

to make it through anything.

 

 

All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar.

The Soul’s UrgeĀ©|2018

EVOLVE

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“A Tale of Evolving through the Distances and Silences”

Our texts and calls are never regular,

They say it is required if you are in love,

and I still ask Why?

As our habits are so synchronized,

Like the petals and sepals of our favorite flowers,

Just like Lilies and Orchids we are very similar.

 

You are my first thought in the morning and the last one at night,

I crave for the safe haven your arms provide.

I long for your whispers in my ears and your hands on my bare skin,

You are the love and care that lightened the dark doorway of my life.

 

Even through the silences of our voices and words,

We have to mould ourselves and grow,

Trust me I always have your back as you progress,

As I know I finally have someone who won’t let me capsize,

Someone with whom I can be myself as there is nothing to suppress.

 

Every time we get in touch again,

It will be the same,

I promise nothing will have changed.

As we EVOLVE,

Even with the space and distance,

Our souls will never be apart.

 

 

 

All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar.

The Soul’s UrgeĀ©|2018

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

AN ODE TO YOU

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“A Tale of finding true Freedom, Completion and Home”

Suddenly I felt free,

In a snap I felt complete,

My poetry and my words finally made sense,

I still didn’t know where I was headed,

but in the same instant I knew I wasn’t alone as I had you.

I had a smile on my face from end to end,

visited by the occasional blush,

This time I knew the reason was you.

 

I will never forget the year we met,

I will tell you the reason why,

When I returned back to the place I belong,

It felt distant and alien.

It was the rains all over again,

Yet they were different,

The valley was having its typical monsoonal rains,

the ones which had evaded it for years.

The constantly falling raindrops poured upon me,

Relentless and continuous,

Just like you,

Leaving me breathless,

They singed my skin,

Igniting the passion,

The way your touch and words do.

 

I remember each second of those few hours,

I relive them everyday,

When you held my hand I felt secure,

When your arms were around me,

I knew I had found my home.

When we parted ways I wanted to run back to you,

I wanted to hug you tight,

I wanted back the safe haven your arms provide.

 

I was happy I had met you,

My inspiration and the person who knows the real me through and through,

Yet there were tears in my eyes,

It felt like I had left a part of my soul behind.

I kept looking at you till you disappeared from the sidewalk and my view,

The eyes inĀ  search for a last vestige to hold on to you.

I will never forget the eyes that stared at me that day,

Which made me feel I was the most beautiful woman,

They had ever been laid upon.

I will never forget the smile, That gave me butterflies,

Made me such a nervous wreck,

That I could not even look into those smoldering eyes.

 

When I was returning back,

My feet were heavy, the flight home was not easy,

There was a smile with a cheer and the eyes glistened with the tears.

When I reached back home,

It was no longer the place I belonged.

I had left my very soul on the sidewalk,

on that serendipitous day.

 

I still remember the whole story,

I still can’t say it out loud,

I still weave it with words,

Because I still can’t express as you very well know.

 

The memories are a keepsake,

Till the time we meet again,

Till then let’s progress together,

Let the new chapters unfurl and unfold,

Let us embrace the changes that occur,

The distance and time betwixt is still the same yet different,

Let’s hope we will be by each other’s side as always,

Making each other stronger,

In our journey to reach the destination unknown.

 

 

All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar.

The Soul’s UrgeĀ©|2018