EGO & DISTANCE

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“A Tale of Distance playing the Devil again”

It was harsh for me to see them breaking down,

He wanted to pretend he was happy,

And she appeared to be smiling too.

I was stuck in the middle of this pretense,

Not knowing what to do?

 

She wanted me to talk to him,

Telling him that she wasn’t suitable for him;

He wanted me to distract him,

As hearing about her,

Pricked him to the core.

 

Their love had blossomed right in front of me,

It was a bitter blow to me,

Watching them drifting apart;

I watched upon helpless,

As my words were deemed useless and couldn’t play their part.

 

As I heard her voice over the call,

Her voice wavering at every word,

Trying to hold the emotions in.

He wanted to free her off the shackles,

Thinking she wanted this all along.

The promises of eternal love,

On the path shaping into matrimony,

Got lost somewhere as the journey came to a grievous ending.

 

She wanted to apologize,

But kept hunting for the words to do so,

He wanted to make amends

But he was tired of trying every time.

Each waited for the other to regret

And the feelings came to a distressing end.

 

I looked upon feeling powerless,

A mere spectator as two lovers were wrenched apart,

I saw them fading away;

As Ego became the Ditch again,

The Distance had played the Devil yet again.

 

 

All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar.

The Soul’s UrgeĀ©|2018

 

 

 

 

WE

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“A Tale of Eternally Bound Souls”

The time moved stealthily on the astral plane.

Our souls sat on the banks of a calm river listening to it’s constant flow.

I looked at you as you stared into the distance;

Trying to disentangle the chaos in your head.

Our life journeys have always been in synchronicity,

I could feel the intense turmoil of painful emotions your soul was undergoing;

I had been there before and could feel it surging inside me again through you.

 

I wanted to tell you that I was a reflection of you,

I wanted you to know,

The beauty you saw in me was a mirror to what lay in your depth,

Under the raging whirlwinds of despair;

But not a word did I utter.

 

I simply intertwined my hands with yours,

My fingers lacing through yours,

Filling the gaps in between them;

Staring into the distance with you,

Letting the silence speak for itself.

 

We are still living in that plane sitting on those very banks,

Knowing it will take time.

I will wait for you to healĀ  but those entwined hands in that quiet solitude,

Will be a reminder to you;

You won’t be alone,

As you heal your wounded self and make a steady progress.

 

The souls on that astral plane know,

There is no ME in this union,

It is either YOU or WE.

 

 

 

All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar.

The Soul’s UrgeĀ©|2018

 

 

 

HUES

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“A Tale of the Contrasting Shades of a Woman”

She was not born a warrior,

She has been forged into one.

She wears her scars proudly.

She belongs to nobody but her freedom,

And she loves the ones she cares for more than her freedom.

She is a free soul.

Her past has strengthened her.

She is forbearing and forgiving.

She is perceptive as well as sensitive.

She is brutal withal ruthless.

She cares the most, expects the least and braces herself for the worst.

She won’t ever quit on you.

She canĀ  heal and mend you but

Beware!!

She has an Angelic Divinity about her that hides the Satan underneath.

She holds the powers of infernal destruction,

Which can convert,

Even shattered smithereens to Ashes and blow them into Oblivion.

So, Don’t compel her to reveal her darker shades.

Love her if she is kind to you,

but Fear her,

if you have forced out the darkness in her.

Her contrasting HUES;

Are an Essence that can make you,

but if pushed too far,

Are Deadly enough to break you.

 

 

All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar.

The Soul’s UrgeĀ©|2018

FINAL KEY

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“A Tale of the Last Key to a now locked up Heart”

It stabbed me like a thousand knives,

Worse than any pain I had felt before,

as without a reason you barged off.

You said that you did not want me to have anything for you or anyone as it would be good for me,

You didn’t need to,

I had decided long back you would be my heart’s last key.

I was screaming inside when you said goodbye,

I wanted you to stop and give an honest answer to my why;

All you said was it was something I wouldn’t understand,

So I bid adieu with a quiet bye.

No, my final words did not hold any anger,

They just held a sorrowful sigh,

I reconciled with my fate as you made me leave when I was right at your door.

The tears pricked my eyes and flowed freely as I collapsed on my knees,

But soon I got up and laughed bitterly,

as what I had predicted had finally come true.

I don’t hold any grudges and forgiveness is a trait I had learnt long ago,

but there is nothing to forgive here as I don’t believe either of us was at fault.

It was so abrupt that it left me dumbstruck,

Everything seemed normal and then it turned into a debacle.

It was the sudden isolation that brought the mind numbing pain,

You needn’t worry as it is nothing new;

People I get attached to keep leaving time and again.

But this time around there is something different,

The pain I feel seems alien,

It surpasses the limits of my severe bouts of depression,

yet suicidal thoughts I have not considered as an option.

I am at a phase where I cannot beg or plead anyone to stay,

it was one of the reasons why I didn’t push you for an explanation as you strayed away.

Grateful I am to you for making me feel and believe in eternal love again,

Thankful too for coming into my life and being there in the darkest hours,

and keeping me sane.

I don’t know what came over you,

I was left hanging in mid air in a cloud of confusion,

It was the last thing I expected from you.

I don’t blame you for anything,

Changing your path was your right;

The heartache is that you felt I wasted my time trying to figure you out,

when all I wanted was to discover the colors that you held abound.

I never felt you would break this bond,

You could have remained as a friend,

But without any inference you drove off;

Leaving me with a raging storm of emotions inside.

I know there must be a major cause,

So I backed off giving you your time and space;

Just that it still hurts to know,

That I wasn’t deemed worthy to understand what you were going through.

I can gauge the turmoil in your soul even from afar,

I can only hope time will heal all.

I know you care,

So don’t worry I will be fine,

Is all I can say in the end.

You are free to enter,

You are free to leave,

Still says the doorway of my life to my inspiration and my locked up heart’s

FINAL KEY.

 

 

All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar.

The Soul’s UrgeĀ©|2018

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THE POINT

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“A Satirical Tale about the Point whence I stopped believing in Eternal Love”

I am tired of pleading people to love me,

The realisation that my real self does not interest them,

has finally dawned on me.

All I want right now is for all these men;

to let me be.

I tried loving once,

it was a puppy love, the kind you fall in at school,

it seemed so pure and true.

It ended when I realised that he was a dunce,

Besides me, there were three others in the lieu.

Oh the perils of love!!

Never will I love again, I took an oath that day;

but then time passes and things tend to change,

And I wasn’t able to keep things at bay.

I fell in love again, the shock came,

when I read his status on facebook one day,

stating he was gay.

He ended things on this note with me;

how cruel and deceptive can this world be,

I realised to my utter dismay.

No! No! No! I absolutely won’t love again,

I kept reminding myself after this instance,

as I fought with the pain.

But God’s work was not over with me,

and love crept up yet again;

My resistance, well, it was all in vain.

To this man I gave my all,

In hopes that he might stay;

it all ended in a debacle,

as another woman made his attention stray away,

so its obvious I had to leave him anyway.

I grew up with time,

All these love flings, I felt, were lessons of life.

I was in search for stability when I stumbled upon a person,

who I felt would be, worth the while.

I was happy and felt wanted,

after years of yearning;

But I guess I should have known better,

after all the years of learning.

His confusion and instable mind,

unnerved me to no extent.

I knew I was a prize,

At the end’ I had to quit;

I couldn’t stay with someone,

unsure about me.

I had finally decided I won’t look back,

then a person came and tried to heal me.

Heaven knows he was shattered more than me,

yet he made me laugh and smile.

He reasoned with his tact,

I knew he wasn’t over his latter love;

As he tried to rescue me I could sense his broken heart,

He needed the healing more than I did.

Despite having read it all,

I fell for him without refrain;

I tried hard not to but he had me chained.

I was shackled in his snares but this time round,

I knew better than to share.

This was the POINT, where come what may;

I knew I won’t love someone who treated me as a second choice,

someone with whom my inner self I couldn’t bare.

The point at which I could tolerate the ignorance,

bear the pain of separation, miss my whole existence,

but bowing down to someone who didn’t care

was worse than the pain of the cold shoulders and angry glares.

It was the point when I wanted to be with someone,

not for the avarice but for the romance;

Someone who would love my actual soul and not the facades I wear on a daily roll,

Someone who had the balls to accept me and never be deceitful towards me on the whole.

It was the point whence I knew without err that if a man couldn’t handle me,

fair and square,

then he didn’t deserve me at all.

My tryst with myself would continue for a lifetime,

even if such a man did not come my way,

this I forswear.

All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar.

The Soul’s UrgeĀ©|2018