NIGHTMARE OR DREAM

A Short Tale of a Perfect Nightmare

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All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar.

The Soul’s Urge©|2019

THE POINT

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“A Satirical Tale about the Point whence I stopped believing in Eternal Love”

I am tired of pleading people to love me,

The realisation that my real self does not interest them,

has finally dawned on me.

All I want right now is for all these men;

to let me be.

I tried loving once,

it was a puppy love, the kind you fall in at school,

it seemed so pure and true.

It ended when I realised that he was a dunce,

Besides me, there were three others in the lieu.

Oh the perils of love!!

Never will I love again, I took an oath that day;

but then time passes and things tend to change,

And I wasn’t able to keep things at bay.

I fell in love again, the shock came,

when I read his status on facebook one day,

stating he was gay.

He ended things on this note with me;

how cruel and deceptive can this world be,

I realised to my utter dismay.

No! No! No! I absolutely won’t love again,

I kept reminding myself after this instance,

as I fought with the pain.

But God’s work was not over with me,

and love crept up yet again;

My resistance, well, it was all in vain.

To this man I gave my all,

In hopes that he might stay;

it all ended in a debacle,

as another woman made his attention stray away,

so its obvious I had to leave him anyway.

I grew up with time,

All these love flings, I felt, were lessons of life.

I was in search for stability when I stumbled upon a person,

who I felt would be, worth the while.

I was happy and felt wanted,

after years of yearning;

But I guess I should have known better,

after all the years of learning.

His confusion and instable mind,

unnerved me to no extent.

I knew I was a prize,

At the end’ I had to quit;

I couldn’t stay with someone,

unsure about me.

I had finally decided I won’t look back,

then a person came and tried to heal me.

Heaven knows he was shattered more than me,

yet he made me laugh and smile.

He reasoned with his tact,

I knew he wasn’t over his latter love;

As he tried to rescue me I could sense his broken heart,

He needed the healing more than I did.

Despite having read it all,

I fell for him without refrain;

I tried hard not to but he had me chained.

I was shackled in his snares but this time round,

I knew better than to share.

This was the POINT, where come what may;

I knew I won’t love someone who treated me as a second choice,

someone with whom my inner self I couldn’t bare.

The point at which I could tolerate the ignorance,

bear the pain of separation, miss my whole existence,

but bowing down to someone who didn’t care

was worse than the pain of the cold shoulders and angry glares.

It was the point when I wanted to be with someone,

not for the avarice but for the romance;

Someone who would love my actual soul and not the facades I wear on a daily roll,

Someone who had the balls to accept me and never be deceitful towards me on the whole.

It was the point whence I knew without err that if a man couldn’t handle me,

fair and square,

then he didn’t deserve me at all.

My tryst with myself would continue for a lifetime,

even if such a man did not come my way,

this I forswear.

All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar.

The Soul’s Urge©|2018

SERENITY & PEACE

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“A Tale of Growing Up and attaining Peace”

People say I have changed.

I haven’t;

I just grew up with the passage of time.

I refused to be used and pushed around.

I stopped reaching out to people who did not reach out to me.

I  ceased to trust people who I knew would betray me.

I started depending on myself and began to value what I had.

I freed myself from the snares of the past and came out wiser.

I realised I had showered rarely seen selfless love on the undeserving.

I accepted the reality of life with a calm and reignited the fire within me.

I found my soul in the process and with it true SERENITY & PEACE.

 

All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar.

The Soul’s Urge©|2018

 

 

ENGRAVED

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“A Tale of Love and Longing under the Night Sky”

Lying on the terrace, staring at the night sky wearing a velvety blanket of stars;

I could sense you in its depth.

The serenity it gave me reminded me of the feeling of warmth you give me,

like a cheerful fire burning in the hearth on a dreary winter evening.

As the time lapsed I realised,

you  had mystically engraved and embellished yourself on not just my body but also my soul.

Suddenly the gentle summer breeze blew upon my skin,

it was akin to your arms cajoling me and lulled me to sleep.

By this juncture you were etched upon my mind and heart;

a warm presence even in the cold wilderness of the astral realm of my lucid dreams.

 

 

All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar.

The Soul’s Urge©|2018

FOREVERMORE

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“A Tale of Long Distance Yearnings”

I crave for you like manna from heaven.

For me you are the personification of the seven deadly sins and I am trapped in your snares.

I have delved in way too deep despite knowing its an illusion.

In trying to break free, I get entangled even more.

My whole existence yearns for you.

I have felt your presence touching and claiming me as yours.

It was all a game of the mind that seemed so surreal.

The constant longing for an ethereal union whence I would be screaming your name as you rip me apart marking me as your territory.

The intensity of this wild desire is too vicious and lethal for any to fathom.

The blanket muffles my cries when I call out your name pleading you to get out of my head.

Lying helpless, staring at the ceiling, choking as the tears trickle down and dampen the pillows.

My attempt to restrain these impulses is futile as the ardour only intensifies.

I am a mess and my mind is in chaos.

I refuse to admit it but I have let the wilderness blossom and it lingers on my body and stings my soul.

Pushing you away only ignites the passion furthermore.

There seems to be no end to this burning urge till you come to satisfy it forevermore.

 

 

 

All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar.

The Soul’s Urge©|2018