Heartbreak – The Soul's Urge

Men I dated: PART 1: OVER? OKAY!

So I have decided to do a series of posts on the various men I have dated. What inspired me? Well besides being my own muse, my friends often tell me your love life is nothing short of a bollywood movie. Haha! So, let’s begin.

I call myself a tormented romantic,

Not because I don’t believe in love,

It’s because of the men that I have dated,

And their extremely unique antics.

I fell in puppy love at school,

Don’t we love the bad boys when we are in that pool,

He was a stuntsman and a rugged human,

If you ask me now I would call such a boy a pure ruffian,

And how the girls used to go gaga over him,

Is beyond what today, I can fathom.

I was a good friend of his,

People often teased us about it,

One day he proposed to me out of the blue,

Was it genuine or on a whim?

That, I never understood.

I enjoyed the attention for a good three years,

The popularity that comes from dating a well known ruffian,

Whenever he stood outside my class,

Everyone would hoot and comments they would pass.

You would think we were happy and in bliss,

But three years later I found out,

He was dating one of my friends’ friend.

What unfolded after that was a trauma in the past,

But extremely laughable when I think of it,

As puppy love very rarely lasts.

Well as I said it was traumatic for me,

He had started dating another,

Within the first half year,

Of when he started to date me.

After that he had been on a dating spree,

As he had another one too in his kitty,

With my acquaintance being the latest addition to it.

My town was quite small and conserved when I was a kid,

So hiding four girlfriends from each other,

I must say Kudos to such talent!

Finally I did confront him one day,

Told him we needed to end this farce completely,

Three years? he had asked, Over?

I had a knot in my throat as I nodded,

All he said was Okay!

As he shrugged and walked away.

I had looked at his receding figure in the distance,

Not once did he turn that fateful day,

The tears flowed out of my eyes,

And that was how I got cheated on in my first relationship itself.

I laugh out loud today at the incidence,

And Oh! He did come back with apologies,

And do you know when?

A good four years later, with a heartfelt one,

But what good was it by then?

And this is how our romance ended.

He is a good friend as of today,

But he still feels guilty for his infidelity,

Even though I have forgiven him for his childish capers,

I can’t help him with the remorse he feels.

All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar (VRa).
The Soul’s Urge©|2020

WAIT

It’s funny how each time she is at her gate,

Her eyes flicker towards the corner towards her house,

Like you would round the corner any moment,

The way you had promised years back,

This is the story of her WAIT.

At times she just shakes her head,

Knowing the remote possibility of it ever happening,

She often laughs at her own anticipation,

The dashed hopes and the futility of the waiting,

At times she wonders why she even waits.

Still every morning, every night,

Anytime she stands at her gate,

Her eyes still rove at the corner,

Constantly awaiting your arrival,

She imagines herself blushing when she would see you at her place,

Each time you don’t appear, she bows her head and goes inside,

Only to resume the wait again.

And this cycle continues forever,

Each day, every day, it never ends,

The corner has started corroding still you haven’t arrived,

With forlorn eyes that blur at times,

She still looks towards it,

This is how she waits.

All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar (VRa).
The Soul’s Urge ©|2020

He & She: An Eternal Story (9)

Life is a Series of Maybes but for now its Goodbye

“So this is finally goodbye,” he asked, his voice wavering as he looked at her.

“Yes, yes, it is,” she said, with a steely gaze.

“Do you think?” he asked, “We might meet again.”

Her eyes softened for a while as she sighed. “Life is a series of maybes. Someday, in some other place, maybe, our souls might get entangled again.”

“Maybe,” he said, “But I am sorry again, if only you could give me…”

“Some apologies are futile,” she said cutting him, her voice cold, “I have forgiven you but sometimes the damage is irrevocable. Maybe, we will meet again in the midst of our stories; maybe, when your soul is wiser, maybe a day when you’d understand the extent of devastation your words and actions actually caused, but till then it’s goodbye.”

With that, she turned around and left him standing all alone, the way he had left her stranded when she had needed him the most. She deserted him on the path they had decided to walk on till eternity to pave one for herself. As he saw her receding figure, he realized he had taken her love for granted for way too long. He had tired her beautiful soul; left it so cold that the woman who could never stay away from him didn’t turn back even once as she walked away.

Little did he know, she didn’t turn because there were tears flowing from her eyes; the dam had finally broken. She had used the final ounce of her strength to walk away from him. She had waited for very long, waiting to be acknowledged, wanting to be loved, and now when he finally did, it felt meaningless to her. Simply because he had prioritized someone else when she had needed him the most.

All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar (VRa).
The Soul’s Urge©|2020

He & She: An Eternal Story (8)

She trussed her hair, set her glasses and was ready for the outing. A few men looked at her as she roamed. She noticed their eyes and she smiled, as a sensation she hadn’t felt in ages surged through her. His betrayal had almost completely marred her spark.

The men leering at her didn’t go unnoticed by his observant eyes. He smiled resignedly and shook his head, she was perfection, he had always known that. The very perfection he had lost. He looked at her longingly as she flitted about without him, wanting to tell these men that she was his. He wondered if there was another chance.

She turned to look at him, just once, before she trudged forward. Her expression was enough to tell him that there was absolutely no chance.

All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar (VRa).
The Soul’s Urge©|2020

He & She: An Eternal Story (5)

She looked at the castle in the distance. A hopeless romantic as she was, someday, she thought, I will have a prince charming too and I will feel like a real princess when he will take me there.

He looked at her from a distance, completely smitten by her as her eyes twinkled as she looked at the castle. He wished to take her hand and lead her there.

She turned towards him and smiled, a resigned smile. Her smile told him she still loved him but her expression said she did not trust him enough to take her there. As she made her way towards the castle, all alone, the realization hit him hard and deep. Their eternal love had been marred by his subtle betrayal, it was too late for him.

All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar (VRa).
The Soul’s Urge©|2020