HUES

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“A Tale of the Contrasting Shades of a Woman”

She was not born a warrior,

She has been forged into one.

She wears her scars proudly.

She belongs to nobody but her freedom,

And she loves the ones she cares for more than her freedom.

She is a free soul.

Her past has strengthened her.

She is forbearing and forgiving.

She is perceptive as well as sensitive.

She is brutal withal ruthless.

She cares the most, expects the least and braces herself for the worst.

She won’t ever quit on you.

She can  heal and mend you but

Beware!!

She has an Angelic Divinity about her that hides the Satan underneath.

She holds the powers of infernal destruction,

Which can convert,

Even shattered smithereens to Ashes and blow them into Oblivion.

So, Don’t compel her to reveal her darker shades.

Love her if she is kind to you,

but Fear her,

if you have forced out the darkness in her.

Her contrasting HUES;

Are an Essence that can make you,

but if pushed too far,

Are Deadly enough to break you.

 

 

All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar.

The Soul’s Urge¬©|2018

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TSAR

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“A short Tale about the Ruler of the Mind, Heart, Body & Soul”

The Fury of the tempest reminds me,

of the Raging Storm inside me;

The one causing the Turmoil,

is oblivious to it.

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He is the TSAR,

of my Mind, Heart, Body and Soul;

The longing for him is,

what the Romanians call DOR.

 

All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar.

The Soul’s Urge¬©|2018

 

FINAL KEY

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“A Tale of the Last Key to a now locked up Heart”

It stabbed me like a thousand knives,

Worse than any pain I had felt before,

as without a reason you barged off.

You said that you did not want me to have anything for you or anyone as it would be good for me,

You didn’t need to,

I had decided long back you would be my heart’s last key.

I was screaming inside when you said goodbye,

I wanted you to stop and give an honest answer to my why;

All you said was it was something I wouldn’t understand,

So I bid adieu with a quiet bye.

No, my final words did not hold any anger,

They just held a sorrowful sigh,

I reconciled with my fate as you made me leave when I was right at your door.

The tears pricked my eyes and flowed freely as I collapsed on my knees,

But soon I got up and laughed bitterly,

as what I had predicted had finally come true.

I don’t hold any grudges and forgiveness is a trait I had learnt long ago,

but there is nothing to forgive here as I don’t believe either of us was at fault.

It was so abrupt that it left me dumbstruck,

Everything seemed normal and then it turned into a debacle.

It was the sudden isolation that brought the mind numbing pain,

You needn’t worry as it is nothing new;

People I get attached to keep leaving time and again.

But this time around there is something different,

The pain I feel seems alien,

It surpasses the limits of my severe bouts of depression,

yet suicidal thoughts I have not considered as an option.

I am at a phase where I cannot beg or plead anyone to stay,

it was one of the reasons why I didn’t push you for an explanation as you strayed away.

Grateful I am to you for making me feel and believe in eternal love again,

Thankful too for coming into my life and being there in the darkest hours,

and keeping me sane.

I don’t know what came over you,

I was left hanging in mid air in a cloud of confusion,

It was the last thing I expected from you.

I don’t blame you for anything,

Changing your path was your right;

The heartache is that you felt I wasted my time trying to figure you out,

when all I wanted was to discover the colors that you held abound.

I never felt you would break this bond,

You could have remained as a friend,

But without any inference you drove off;

Leaving me with a raging storm of emotions inside.

I know there must be a major cause,

So I backed off giving you your time and space;

Just that it still hurts to know,

That I wasn’t deemed worthy to understand what you were going through.

I can gauge the turmoil in your soul even from afar,

I can only hope time will heal all.

I know you care,

So don’t worry I will be fine,

Is all I can say in the end.

You are free to enter,

You are free to leave,

Still says the doorway of my life to my inspiration and my locked up heart’s

FINAL KEY.

 

 

All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar.

The Soul’s Urge¬©|2018

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

SATANIC BAIT

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“A Tale of the instances that made HER fall for her SATANIC BAIT”

He was captivating and alluring.

He had her bewitched by his mere presence.

His chivalry and ability to behave feral and untamed when required, made him irresistible.

He was a deadly combination of a bad boy who was also a good man.

He crawled into her mind and soul everyday using his imagination to touch her skin and mark her as his territory, with a passion none could envisage.

The nights were enthralling and the days left her yearning for more.

He was akin to a SATANIC BAIT, luring her into forgetting all rationale.

Her passion for him mounted with each passing moment as he pushed her into the depths of the obscure chasm of her own ardent desires.

He was neither an obsession nor an addiction yet he was intoxicating.

His bewitching charm exposed her carnal desires and he reveled in it.

She had the premonition that resistance was futile.

Soon she had the cognizance of succumbing to the innate thirst and the deep rooted yearning.

The intensity of the insatiable passion that he had built up hit her like the fiery breath of a dragon, consuming the body and soul.

He was like a drug to her.

He made her experience a euphoric high everyday.

She delved into the deepest and darkest desires of the night with him.

He was like an ocean of contradictions and she lost herself in its abyss.

He was akin to the enticement of the devil especially sent to ensnare her.

As she scrolled through his photographs one day she realised she was falling for him.

He touched her in a manner nobody else could delving in right to her core.

Her friend’s words echoed in her ears “He’s got real guts and balls”, she remembered blushing a tiny bit at that but not enough to relate the story.

There was a glow about her as she had smiled, the one she had lost in the past months.

It was a reminder of all that he was and always had been.

 

She started waiting for him,

He became a constant presence on her mind.

He started to wander  her dreamland too.

The moments with him were the ones when she felt desired and appreciated.

She reached the epoch where she got the sensation of a safe haven.

It was the juncture where her heart knew that even the ‘savage’ inside her was done for.

 

 

All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar.

The Soul’s Urge¬©|2018

 

 

 

CORE

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“An Ode to the Iron woman of my Life: My Mother”

 She is tenacious and she is bold,

She is the CORE strength of my being.

She is freedom, she is care,

She is the woman who lets my wilderness, freely flow;

As she believes adventure is a way of finding your soul.

She is my backbone, she is my pillar,

She has been my crutch through my failures.

She is a teacher and sometimes a friend

yet both of us stay at loggerheads.

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The dynamics of our relationship are such,

Like a lion and a bull coming in touch.

We¬† remain calmly in each other’s domain,

but a slight ignition awakens the Alphas in us;

And makes all hell raise.

We both revel in nature,

We tend to loose ourselves in it.

Travel is how we find solace,

The only time when there are no tussels;

And we match each other’s pace.

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I never express much,

I have never been the kind.

It is in my anatomy I say;

As lesser display of affection,

is something from you that I have imbibed.

Our turbulent connection is one of a kind,

But that is exactly how we bind.

 I have changed over the years,

It took you long to realise;

And I know it still leaves you frustrated at times.

Till now you had been in search,

of the impression of your innocent child;

Which you were never able to find.

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I have countless flaws,

Never have I been the perfect child;

Still you have stood by me through it all.

Cold and callous I have been called,

Yet what I have put you through,

brings tears to my eyes;

I want to apologize for all my wrongs.

Mamma

Life has tested you time and again,

I had been watching it since chidhood;

but it was when the harsh realities of life made sense,

that the hurdles you faced, I understood.

I am a practical person as you very well know,

so I rarely say the phrase;

 I love and admire you,

For me you are a divine entity in play.

Wonderwoman, Superwoman, I have seen them all;

I can see their personification,

when my eyes, upon you, I lay.

I try to respect and love you through my actions,

yet my piercing words make everything go astray.

I know your heart is all embracing and forgiving,

yet I want to apologize for all the things said and done;

your blessings and never ending support for the road ahead is all I ask.

 

 

 

All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar.

The Soul’s Urge¬©|2018

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

UNDEFINED

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“A Tale of the Undefined yet Special & seemingly DIVINE Bonds”

I never realised when I reached the juncture,

where I could talk about you forever.

All of your positive traits at that;

When it is about,

Nothing negative escapes my lips ever.

People ask me when do you reach this point,

To tell the truth,

I have absolutely no reason to the when and how;

It started from the very first moment I heard your voice,

It was something that happened in an instant.

 

Looking back at our story today,

I still smile and glow.

Despite being teased time and again,

I  still feel pleased by the intensity of the bond.

People also ask me,

what is the status of this journey so far,

To this I always have an answer;

It is UNDEFINED,

I say;

That’s the beauty of it all.

 

Sometimes the distance unnerves me,

All I want in those moments;

is your presence,

with your arms around me;

as  you happen to be the safe haven I have always envisaged.

 

Our paths crossed,

it has never seemed a coincidence.

The chaotic yet peaceful mess it has created,

the way you became a part of my soul;

Makes it seem like divinity is in play on the whole.

 

 

All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar.

The Soul’s Urge¬©|2018

 

THE POINT

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“A Satirical Tale about the Point whence I stopped believing in Eternal Love”

I am tired of pleading people to love me,

The realisation that my real self does not interest them,

has finally dawned on me.

All I want right now is for all these men;

to let me be.

I tried loving once,

it was a puppy love, the kind you fall in at school,

it seemed so pure and true.

It ended when I realised that he was a dunce,

Besides me, there were three others in the lieu.

Oh the perils of love!!

Never will I love again, I took an oath that day;

but then time passes and things tend to change,

And I wasn’t able to keep things at bay.

I fell in love again, the shock came,

when I read his status on facebook one day,

stating he was gay.

He ended things on this note with me;

how cruel and deceptive can this world be,

I realised to my utter dismay.

No! No! No! I absolutely won’t love again,

I kept reminding myself after this instance,

as I fought with the pain.

But God’s work was not over with me,

and love crept up yet again;

My resistance, well, it was all in vain.

To this man I gave my all,

In hopes that he might stay;

it all ended in a debacle,

as another woman made his attention stray away,

so its obvious I had to leave him anyway.

I grew up with time,

All these love flings, I felt, were lessons of life.

I was in search for stability when I stumbled upon a person,

who I felt would be, worth the while.

I was happy and felt wanted,

after years of yearning;

But I guess I should have known better,

after all the years of learning.

His confusion and instable mind,

unnerved me to no extent.

I knew I was a prize,

At the end’ I had to quit;

I couldn’t stay with someone,

unsure about me.

I had finally decided I won’t look back,

then a person came and tried to heal me.

Heaven knows he was shattered more than me,

yet he made me laugh and smile.

He reasoned with his tact,

I knew he wasn’t over his latter love;

As he tried to rescue me I could sense his broken heart,

 He needed the healing more than I did.

Despite having read it all,

I fell for him without refrain;

I tried hard not to but he had me chained.

I was shackled in his snares but this time round,

I knew better than to share.

This was the POINT, where come what may;

I knew I won’t love someone who treated me as a second choice,

someone with whom my inner self I couldn’t bare.

The point at which I could tolerate the ignorance,

bear the pain of separation, miss my whole existence,

but bowing down to someone who didn’t care

was worse than the pain of the cold shoulders and angry glares.

It was the point when I wanted to be with someone,

not for the avarice but for the romance;

Someone who would love my actual soul and not the facades I wear on a daily roll,

Someone who had the balls to accept me and never be deceitful towards me on the whole.

It was the point whence I knew without err that if a man couldn’t handle me,

fair and square,

then he didn’t deserve me at all.

My tryst with myself would continue for a lifetime,

even if such a man did not come my way,

this I forswear.

 

All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar.

The Soul’s Urge¬©|2018