Men I dated: PART 1: OVER? OKAY!

So I have decided to do a series of posts on the various men I have dated. What inspired me? Well besides being my own muse, my friends often tell me your love life is nothing short of a bollywood movie. Haha! So, let’s begin.

Number 1: He was dating three others!

I call myself a tormented romantic,

Not because I don’t believe in love,

It’s because of the men that I have dated,

And their extremely unique antics.

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I fell in puppy love at school,

Don’t we love the bad boys when we are in that pool,

He was a stuntsman and a rugged human,

If you ask me now I would call such a boy a pure ruffian,

And how the girls used to go gaga over him,

Is beyond what today, I can fathom.

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I was a good friend of his,

People often teased us about it,

One day he proposed to me out of the blue,

Was it genuine or on a whim?

That, I never understood.

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I enjoyed the attention for a good three years,

The popularity that comes from dating a well known ruffian,

Whenever he stood outside my class,

Everyone would hoot and comments they would pass.

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You would think we were happy and in bliss,

But three years later I found out,

He was dating one of my friends’ friend.

What unfolded after that was a trauma in the past,

But extremely laughable when I think of it,

As puppy love very rarely lasts.

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Well as I said it was traumatic for me,

He had started dating another,

Within the first half year,

Of when he started to date me.

After that he had been on a dating spree,

As he had another one too in his kitty,

With my acquaintance being the latest addition to it.

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My town was quite small and conserved when I was a kid,

So hiding four girlfriends from each other,

I must say Kudos to such talent!

Finally I did confront him one day,

Told him we needed to end this farce completely,

Three years? he had asked, Over?

I had a knot in my throat as I nodded,

All he said was Okay!

As he shrugged and walked away.

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I had looked at his receding figure in the distance,

Not once did he turn that fateful day,

The tears flowed out of my eyes,

And that was how I got cheated on in my first relationship itself.

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I laugh out loud today at the incidence,

And Oh! He did come back with apologies,

And do you know when?

A good four years later, with a heartfelt one,

But what good was it by then?

And this is how our romance ended.

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He is a good friend as of today,

But he still feels guilty for his infidelity,

Even though I have forgiven him for his childish capers,

I can’t help him with the remorse he feels.

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All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar (VRa).

The Soul’s Urge©|2020

BLOGGER RECOGNITION AWARD

So, this is going to be the first time that I am participating in an award nomination. I had been nominated when I first started the blog but as I am erratic I could never revert back.

So I am going to dedicate this post to the award I have recently been nominated for.

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1. Thank the blogger who nominated you. Provide a link to the blog.

2.Write a post to show your award.

3. Brief story of how your blog started.

4. Two pieces of advice to new bloggers.

5. Select up to 15 bloggers you want to give this award to.

6. Comment or ping back and provide a link to the post to the blogs you have nominated.

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First and foremost I would like to thank Vikas for nominating me for this award. He has a wonderful blog filled with the latest information of Cricket. He is a true cricket buff just like a lot of us. Do check out his blog at Cricket Vikas.

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After a tryst with various avenues which included journalism, Modelling and Event Management, I realised writing is my true calling. As I wrote content for websites and blogs alike, I observed people and couples around me a lot. I started writing about their inert desires. Also around this time I fell deeply in love with a man who used to write poetry in answer to mine. He became my inspiration and that led to the birth of my blog. Even though we aren’t together and his heart is owned by another; he still is one of my inspirations. After all, love is not always about conquering someone. Also, being an ambivert who doesn’t share her emotions much, this was an outlet for me to portray the various phases and whirlwind of emotions I go through in my life.

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Being very erratic on my blog, I am not someone who should be giving anyone any type of advice but as the rules say so.

1. Be REGULAR: As someone who is never regular, I would say if you start being consistent in your posts your blog you will garner more followers and likes. You should also be consistent in reading and commenting on other blogs.

2. THEME: Instead of merely pouring out your thoughts do so in a systematic manner. A blog with a theme catches more attention and has more followers.

Eg: ME. Haha! My life story is my own muse. So, I use my own photographs in my blog.

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So, please don’t mind if I miss you out since I am so erratic. These are fifteen of the blogs that I enjoy reading. So here goes.

1. Dracul Van Helsing

2. Perditus

3. Bon Repos Gites

4. SIMRAN TOTLANI

5. Life Tube

6. A Quest for the Uncliche

7. The unspoken

8. neseknows

9. Writing my thoughts

10. Tap ON

11. Freddie Mercury

12. Avid Observer

13. A Phoenix Rising

14. Something more than Nothing

15. Equinoxio21

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.

Thankyou!

If you want to get in touch with me mail me at vanya3rajwar@gmail.com

MASTERPIECE

A Tale of a Masterpiece that is Mystic and Arcane.  

There is a reason I call her a MASTERPIECE,

She is the Angel’s Melody and The Devil’s Knell,

The Creator’s Epiphany,

He was thoughtful of each part and crease. 

                   

Mystic and Veiled, she is one of a kind,

Broken a number of times,

She still spreads love with an aching heart,

To the flaws of the world she seems blind.

                 

Her love is a tide of mystical vibes,

Touching the soul and searing it through.

Lucky will be the man who owns her heart,

He will possess the glow her eternal passion provides.

               

Her detachment is equally vile,

When her soul is set ablaze,

Witness the intense fury in her burning eyes,

Her wrath will ravage you down.

                                   

She is the peace of nature, a provider of solace,

She is a heavenly hell, a demonic bait,

Numerous are the facades that she wears, 

She hides a persona, Mystifying and Arcane.

            

               

All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar.

The Soul’s Urge©|2018

SOCIALLY ERRATIC

“A Small Tale of a Socially Erratic Person”

It makes me wonder sometimes,

In this world of Social Media and Fame,

Where each moment is documented online,

The Social Sites a place for jotting all the precious times of our lives,

It leaves me to wonder every time,

“Where the Socially Erratic, Socially Impaired and Ambiverts fit in”?

They too are people, mystical souls,  untouched by the social media syndrome,

As the best moments in their life shine bright in their memories,

And have not been lived and shared online.

 

P.S.: Just leaves me to wonder about the exceptions. This is not against anyone. It is a great thing to be socially active as it is a huge platform of expression.

 

All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar.

The Soul’s Urge©|2018

 

 

PATH

“A Short Tale of Paving the Path to Advancement”

She is  trying to advance in life,

She is trying to carve a path that reaches him,

She is trying to be the best version of herself.

 

If she is able to pave the PATH that leads to him,

by the monsoons of the impending year;

Then trust her,

to make it through anything.

 

 

All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar.

The Soul’s Urge©|2018

EVOLVE

“A Tale of Evolving through the Distances and Silences”

Our texts and calls are never regular,

They say it is required if you are in love,

and I still ask Why?

As our habits are so synchronized,

Like the petals and sepals of our favorite flowers,

Just like Lilies and Orchids we are very similar.

 

You are my first thought in the morning and the last one at night,

I crave for the safe haven your arms provide.

I long for your whispers in my ears and your hands on my bare skin,

You are the love and care that lightened the dark doorway of my life.

 

Even through the silences of our voices and words,

We have to mould ourselves and grow,

Trust me I always have your back as you progress,

As I know I finally have someone who won’t let me capsize,

Someone with whom I can be myself as there is nothing to suppress.

 

Every time we get in touch again,

It will be the same,

I promise nothing will have changed.

As we EVOLVE,

Even with the space and distance,

Our souls will never be apart.

 

 

 

All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar.

The Soul’s Urge©|2018

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

AN ODE TO YOU

“A Tale of finding true Freedom, Completion and Home”

Suddenly I felt free,

In a snap I felt complete,

My poetry and my words finally made sense,

I still didn’t know where I was headed,

but in the same instant I knew I wasn’t alone as I had you.

I had a smile on my face from end to end,

visited by the occasional blush,

This time I knew the reason was you.

 

I will never forget the year we met,

I will tell you the reason why,

When I returned back to the place I belong,

It felt distant and alien.

It was the rains all over again,

Yet they were different,

The valley was having its typical monsoonal rains,

the ones which had evaded it for years.

The constantly falling raindrops poured upon me,

Relentless and continuous,

Just like you,

Leaving me breathless,

They singed my skin,

Igniting the passion,

The way your touch and words do.

 

I remember each second of those few hours,

I relive them everyday,

When you held my hand I felt secure,

When your arms were around me,

I knew I had found my home.

When we parted ways I wanted to run back to you,

I wanted to hug you tight,

I wanted back the safe haven your arms provide.

 

I was happy I had met you,

My inspiration and the person who knows the real me through and through,

Yet there were tears in my eyes,

It felt like I had left a part of my soul behind.

I kept looking at you till you disappeared from the sidewalk and my view,

The eyes in  search for a last vestige to hold on to you.

I will never forget the eyes that stared at me that day,

Which made me feel I was the most beautiful woman,

They had ever been laid upon.

I will never forget the smile, That gave me butterflies,

Made me such a nervous wreck,

That I could not even look into those smoldering eyes.

 

When I was returning back,

My feet were heavy, the flight home was not easy,

There was a smile with a cheer and the eyes glistened with the tears.

When I reached back home,

It was no longer the place I belonged.

I had left my very soul on the sidewalk,

on that serendipitous day.

 

I still remember the whole story,

I still can’t say it out loud,

I still weave it with words,

Because I still can’t express as you very well know.

 

The memories are a keepsake,

Till the time we meet again,

Till then let’s progress together,

Let the new chapters unfurl and unfold,

Let us embrace the changes that occur,

The distance and time betwixt is still the same yet different,

Let’s hope we will be by each other’s side as always,

Making each other stronger,

In our journey to reach the destination unknown.

 

 

All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar.

The Soul’s Urge©|2018

 

 

 

 

WHY

“A Tale of finding the Answer to the Ever haunting Why”

 

I just want you to know,

I will always be here.

When you don’t want to share,

I won’t persist and I won’t chase,

Even if I want to delve deep into.

When you are busy, when its your time,

Your pain calling out, wanting to be alone,

Through those silences I will stay,

No, I am not one to stray,

Just know I am there,

A part of your soul somewhere.

Broken whenever you are,

We will piece it together,

The pieces that haunt you the most,

Is where we will start.

Even when you fail to say it,

I will understand,

I won’t stop your tears from falling,

I will let you vent it out,

As your pain echoes in me,

Burning me inside, searing my heart.

Nights and Days I have cried,

Thinking I don’t deserve you,

Not knowing how I always got pulled back to you ,

The confusion has now abated,

Stranded and alone I am no more,

WE is what we have been creating since time eternal,

this the soul made me realize,

So I am here till eternity,

I finally have the answer to my WHY.

 

 

All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar.

The Soul’s Urge©| 2018

CROSSROADS

“A Tale of the Crossroads of Love and Life”

Two years down the lane,

History seems to repeat itself,

Everything seems unchanged,

All that occurred in the past,

Is recurring, leaving me unhinged.

 

The bleak mornings and dreary nights,

Of the rains of this year,

Are mere shadows,

Of the summer of that draconian year.

 

The time I hid myself from all the love and fame,

To save myself from this world full of fake,

Removing the last vestiges of the life led till then,

I detached myself from people and pain.

 

After distancing myself from people,

Becoming socially impaired the only choice I could handle,

I never thought I would have to again face,

Any memory of the past knawing at my progression and pace.

But,

Life and Love have created another uproar,

And yet again I am at a CROSSROADS.

 

Life looms above me asking,

Should I or Should I not?

And Love,

Well, it keeps questioning me time and again;

Do you want someone to fall for the idea of you?

Or

Show your true self and let someone fall for you?

 

They have both given me choices to make,

And have left me with brutal decisions to take.

Entering the world without my facades,

Leaves me defenceless and scared,

It puts me on a pedestal,

Laying my vulnerabilities at stake.

Lively, loved and coherent or Stranded, alone and obscure,

The choices I make will lead me to either of these thestrals.

 

As the circle of life will complete itself,

It might meet the others,

Is all I will be left with to hope for,

Once I have decided upon the flow of one road.

 

All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar.

The Soul’s Urge©|2018

 

 

 

 

 

FLY

“A Tale of A Woman answering those people who can’t bear to see her FLYING against Societal Norms”

I am not afraid to be the ugly duckling,

Being called different is what I find pleasing,

I don’t follow your societal norms,

So don’t judge me in accordance to your thoughts.

Don’t pass judgements on me,

Because I might look up to people,

For what they have gone through for me;

But you are not allowed to decree,

That I am a shadow to thee.

Shadows in relationships is what society decides,

I don’t follow those binds,

I am a personality that is unique on my own,

I don’t care what others think,

To each his own.

Don’t underestimate my achievements,

If I don’t show doesn’t mean I don’t know,

I can read your psyche well,

But till I don’t reach the levels I want to attain,

I will still keep my head calm and at an even pace.

Don’t think I am dying of neglect,

Please keep such thoughts to yourself,

Kids crave for the pampering and attention,

Heads turn  at a mature woman’s mere mention.

Just because I don’t fall in your circle,

Doesn’t mean I don’t have the ability to create a furore;

I am a raging storm kept under marvellous control inside,

Introverted I might be but you don’t want the tempest to reach outside,

It has the ability to destroy you if you collide.

You can call me ice cold or a burning fury,

It is a complex task to read me;

So refrain from stereotyping me.

Don’t blame me for sometimes letting it out,

I am not walking the path you pave,

I am in search for new horizons,

Don’t decide my acumen,

With your preconceived notions.

Don’t bring me on edge with your taunts,

Hurting people is not my goal;

It is not my clothes, behaviour or my past decisions

that define me all,

Showing me your shrewdness on that basis,

Proves your thought process shallow.

Don’t blame me for taking a stand,

I am not you,

And I am not scared of relaying this fact to you;

My perception and wisdom have a different take than yours,

Don’t try to fit them under your opinions and beliefs.

You haven’t been through the turmoil I have,

I keep everything under wraps,

There are a lot many things that have put me to test,

In the darker nights you weren’t present.

I don’t want to live in the past,

There are reasons I never look back,

I have changed a lot over the years,

You might not have noticed.

 I know who I am through and through,

That’s something you need to clearly know,

I am a Queen with her own choices;

I know the people who will stand by me are few,

That is the reason I keep my profile low.

I have escaped from the snares of the time gone by,

Don’t make me revisit it by bringing it up time and again.

I know how your mind is going to work,

So No this poem is not frustration being vented out,

It is not a tale of a rebel child who needs to mature;

This is just to make you understand that time has taken a toll,

I am not the girl you used to know,

I am a woman with dreams and goals,

A lady who knows her mettle,

And is not afraid to voice her opinions.

Now,

All I want in life is to soar high,

Because my wings were made to FLY.

 

 

All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar.

The Soul’s Urge©|2018