Men I dated: PART 1: OVER? OKAY!

So I have decided to do a series of posts on the various men I have dated. What inspired me? Well besides being my own muse, my friends often tell me your love life is nothing short of a bollywood movie. Haha! So, let’s begin.

Number 1: He was dating three others!

I call myself a tormented romantic,

Not because I don’t believe in love,

It’s because of the men that I have dated,

And their extremely unique antics.

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I fell in puppy love at school,

Don’t we love the bad boys when we are in that pool,

He was a stuntsman and a rugged human,

If you ask me now I would call such a boy a pure ruffian,

And how the girls used to go gaga over him,

Is beyond what today, I can fathom.

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I was a good friend of his,

People often teased us about it,

One day he proposed to me out of the blue,

Was it genuine or on a whim?

That, I never understood.

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I enjoyed the attention for a good three years,

The popularity that comes from dating a well known ruffian,

Whenever he stood outside my class,

Everyone would hoot and comments they would pass.

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You would think we were happy and in bliss,

But three years later I found out,

He was dating one of my friends’ friend.

What unfolded after that was a trauma in the past,

But extremely laughable when I think of it,

As puppy love very rarely lasts.

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Well as I said it was traumatic for me,

He had started dating another,

Within the first half year,

Of when he started to date me.

After that he had been on a dating spree,

As he had another one too in his kitty,

With my acquaintance being the latest addition to it.

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My town was quite small and conserved when I was a kid,

So hiding four girlfriends from each other,

I must say Kudos to such talent!

Finally I did confront him one day,

Told him we needed to end this farce completely,

Three years? he had asked, Over?

I had a knot in my throat as I nodded,

All he said was Okay!

As he shrugged and walked away.

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I had looked at his receding figure in the distance,

Not once did he turn that fateful day,

The tears flowed out of my eyes,

And that was how I got cheated on in my first relationship itself.

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I laugh out loud today at the incidence,

And Oh! He did come back with apologies,

And do you know when?

A good four years later, with a heartfelt one,

But what good was it by then?

And this is how our romance ended.

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He is a good friend as of today,

But he still feels guilty for his infidelity,

Even though I have forgiven him for his childish capers,

I can’t help him with the remorse he feels.

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All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar (VRa).

The Soul’s UrgeĀ©|2020

WAIT

The tale of her never ending wait.

It’s funny how each time she is at her gate,

Her eyes flicker towards the corner towards her house,

Like you would round the corner any moment,

The way you had promised years back,

This is the story of her WAIT.

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At times she just shakes her head,

Knowing the remote possibility of it ever happening,

She often laughs at her own anticipation,

The dashed hopes and the futility of the waiting,

At times she wonders why she even waits.

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Still every morning, every night,

Anytime she stands at her gate,

Her eyes still rove at the corner,

Constantly awaiting your arrival,

She imagines herself blushing when she would see you at her place,

Each time you don’t appear, she bows her head and goes inside,

Only to resume the wait again.

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And this cycle continues forever,

Each day, every day, it never ends,

The corner has started corroding still you haven’t arrived,

With forlorn eyes that blur at times,

She still looks towards it,

This is how she waits.

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All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar (VRa).

The Soul’s Urge Ā©|2020

My Paws

A Dedication post for my six pairs of paws that have been my constant companions. She probably thinks I am strangling her in this picture. Haha!

During a particularly rough monsoon season,

Eleven years ago,

A tiny being lay outside my house,

She was injured and she was in pain,

As the rains poured hard that night,

She looked at me with her beady eyes,

I brought a blanket outside,

Wrapped her up and brought her inside,

Nobody came to claim her for very long,

She became a part of our family,

She was small and she was frail, we called her Tinki which means tiny,

Eleven years down , she still hasn’t grown much, delicate as a butterfly,

My constant companion, her paw in mine,

All I have had in the worst of times.

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Six years ago I heard about a litter of puppies,

I went to have a look at them,

A small little head popped out and looked at me,

His owner dangled him in front of me, wanting to get rid of him,

I took an immediate liking to this overly active being,

Took him home to give Tinki a companion,

Called him Rocky as that was the movie playing at the time,

Years down the lane, he is as active as he was as a pup,

No wall is too high and no gate can stop him,

When I am sad he rolls his head in my lap,

And all my worries and stress fly away.

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Five years ago my uncle called me to his home,

I went and was surprised to see a big, fat pup wrapped in a towel,

He said she was two months old,

It was quite unbelievable considering her size,

She was a gift to my uncle who couldn’t care for her,

So she was gifted to me and I brought her home happily.

Wrapped her in the same blanket in which I had brought Tinki in,

Named her Lica, the first dog in space since she looked so unique,

Five years down she is a giant beauty,

Possessive and protective of everyone in the family,

Last year before my birthday she became a mother,

Gave me the most beautiful gifts in the form of six pups,

Whenever I feel low, she comes and sits with me,

Nuzzles my face and my tears dry quickly.

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I call them my paws,

More loyal than most humans,

They Shower me with the purest form of unconditional love,

To all those who say I have kept them unnecessarily, I pay no heed,

Because their love and silent companionship has kept me alive,

They have helped me pass the darkest phases of life,

Their love is unadulterated to the very core,

It nurtures me as well as my soul,

They are all god’s gifts,

They are all I could ever need.

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All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar (VRa)

The Soul’s UrgeĀ©|2020

What is Closure?

Firstly, I am really sorry that I haven’t been able to stay regular despite having promised the same.

Just been promoting my book and hence, I have been a bit busy. So I have decided to do a short question answer session for the readers.

A short poetry on a closure I got. What is your take on closure?

I had been clinging to false hopes,

Despite knowing the truth,

I stayed wanting to bind him with love,

A love to which he paid no heed,

He fell for another and I was left alone,

Many nights I spent crying myself hoarse.

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He and I were a story I wanted to tell,

And as I began penning it down,

Somewhere through those pages I found a closure,

Not all stories conclude themselves,

Not all stories are happily ever after tales,

Sometimes it’s necessary for us to give ourselves the closures we seek,

We deserve it to thrive again, it’s the Soul’s need.

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When I saw the author copies of my book and went through them, I had sighed. It was my closure to a beautiful chapter in my life and I was really glad. Sometimes we get closures when we least expect them and that’s what happened with me. It brought me a peace I hadn’t experienced in ages. My first book will remain close to my heart, for many reasons and this is one of them.

What are your thoughts on Closure? Let me know in the comments section.

Under the Seine Bridge

An ode to a man I met under the Seine Bridge

On my last day in Paris, I saw him, He saw me,

Our eyes met as the boat passed beneath the Seine Bridge,

He smiled at me and trussed his blonde hair,

I shook my head as I looked away,

As we crossed under the Seine Bridge.

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Camera in hand, My hair fell over my shoulders,

As I tried to capture a beautiful house on the banks,

I caught his eyes again, he cocked up his brows,

Gave me a charming smile as I blushed,

As we passed beneath the Seine Bridge.

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He came forward, I moved back,

As I tripped on another’s feet, he held my hand,

Stopped me from falling,

As the boat passed Under the Seine Bridge.

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I looked into his eyes, his grey eyes boring into mine,

He apologised for his upfront indecency,

Couldn’t help staring he said, you looked exotic,

I lowered my eyes as I blushed, I felt beautiful after ages,

That day under the Seine Bridge.

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We got conversing about life and times,

He told me about his travels,

I told him about India, my hometown,

The place my heart belonged,

Under the Seine Bridge.

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As we alighted from the boat, he held out his hand,

He asked me for an evening with him,

On the banks of Seine,

I was scared and I was unsure,

Yet, I took his hand, absorbed his warmth,

As hand in hand he led me away from the Seine Bridge.

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He took me to a narrow alley,

My heart was thudding, I didn’t know what awaited me,

As we turned the corner, I saw a small restaurant,

Candles alighted, it looked ethereal and magnificent,

As I stood there surprised, he blew my hair away from my face,

And wove his hand around my waist,

As I shook my head, he took me inside,

It was a perfect Parisian evening,

I felt like a heroine from some romantic classic,

As he serenaded me with food and songs,

That man I met under the Seine Bridge.

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As night fell over Paris,

He took me to the roof of an unknown building,

Scared much, he asked, as he took me to the edge of it,

I shook my head as adrenaline surged through me,

My breath stuck in my throat as I looked at the bewitching view,

Hand in hand with one I had met under the Seine bridge.

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As the lights of the Eiffel tower shone in the distance,

We sat down on the roof,

A cool breeze blowing, his hands wrapped around me,

I felt beautiful, unafraid about being so vulnerable,

With that stranger I had met under the Seine bridge.

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He nuzzled my neck,

It felt like I knew you since forever, he said,

I laughed, my love life hasn’t been too blissful I said,

I will fill it with bliss, he said,

I looked at him in disbelief as his hands moved through my tresses,

This angelic man I had met beneath the Seine bridge.

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I never realised when I fell asleep,

When I woke up I found him looking at me,

It’s time, he said,

I knew what he meant,

He led me to my hotel,

I took my bags and he drove me to the airport,

He was silent and so was I,

As we reached my heart fell,

I didn’t want to part with this man I had met under the Seine Bridge.

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As I was finally leaving, he held my hand,

I will follow you to India, he said,

I smiled and shook my head,

It was hard saying goodbye,

I had felt wanted after aeons, to be honest,

As I took flight, I realised we hadn’t exchanged numbers,

I laughed at how he had said he would follow me,

That was the end of the story for then.

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It’s been months since that incident,

At times I still try to search for him,

At times I wonder if he does too,

For a mere reminisce of that one night we spent,

I have met many since then,

But I have never met another,

Who made me feel as special as did the man,

I met on that fateful day in Paris,

Under the Seine Bridge.

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All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar (VRa).

The Soul’s UrgeĀ©| 2020

He & She: An Eternal Story (9)

Life is a Series of Maybes but for now its Goodbye

“So this is finally goodbye,” he asked, his voice wavering as he looked at her.

“Yes, yes, it is,” she said, with a steely gaze.

“Do you think?” he asked, “We might meet again.”

Her eyes softened for a while as she sighed. “Life is a series of maybes. Someday, in some other place, maybe, our souls might get entangled again.”

“Maybe,” he said, “But I am sorry again, if only you could give me…”

“Some apologies are futile,” she said cutting him, her voice cold, “I have forgiven you but sometimes the damage is irrevocable. Maybe, we will meet again in the midst of our stories; maybe, when your soul is wiser, maybe a day when you’d understand the extent of devastation your words and actions actually caused, but till then it’s goodbye.”

With that, she turned around and left him standing all alone, the way he had left her stranded when she had needed him the most. She deserted him on the path they had decided to walk on till eternity to pave one for herself. As he saw her receding figure, he realized he had taken her love for granted for way too long. He had tired her beautiful soul; left it so cold that the woman who could never stay away from him didn’t turn back even once as she walked away.

Little did he know, she didn’t turn because there were tears flowing from her eyes; the dam had finally broken. She had used the final ounce of her strength to walk away from him. She had waited for very long, waiting to be acknowledged, wanting to be loved, and now when he finally did, it felt meaningless to her. Simply because he had prioritized someone else when she had needed him the most.

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All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar (VRa).

The Soul’s UrgeĀ©|2020

Mr. WB (Writer’s Block)

A Childish and Innocent Tale of how I finally cracked my Writer’s Block and befriended Mr. WB.

We were sitting together yesterday again,

Mr. Writer’s Block and me,

Love is like a beautiful horizon I began,

Not really said he.

My pen swayed and I dropped it down,

As my words failed and no thoughts could be formed by my mind,

Mr. WB looked elated as I stared at him in despair,

He had again succeeded in blocking my word flow and tide.

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You know it’s fine, said he,

I pay a visit to every writer now and then,

Why don’t you just welcome me and let me be?

I haven’t visited my blog in days, I say,

Do you realise despite trying to be regular how erratic I seem?

All thanks to you, if truth be said.

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I looked at Mr. WB infuriated,

As he sat there sipping his tea,

I was sure he was smirking behind that cuppa.

He observed me for a while,

Glancing over his cup of tea,

I will leave in a few days said he,

Till then, there is not much you can do about it,

Can’t we be friends till I decide to leave?

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I left the room in a huff,

Deciding to roam on the roof,

Looking for inspiration in the sky and the trees,

Cursing Mr. WB whole heartedly.

This was when the breeze whispered to me,

Hey, she said, fallen in love again? Heart been broken again?

or Feeling alone again?

None of these, I replied, just that Mr. WB is on a long visit it seems.

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The breeze broke into a laugh,

I pouted at her angrily,

My book is soon to be out, I say,

I need to stay regular, you know.

She thought it through with lots of aahs and hmms,

She discussed with the trees and the skies,

At last she made her way to me and said,

Ever tried making Mr. WB your muse?

Give it a try you just might become allies.

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I was lost in thought as I came down from the roof,

Mr. WB was still sipping his tea,

Will you be my muse? I ask,

That will be new, he laughs,

So this childish poem was the end result,

When Mr. WB became my muse.

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The better part was we became bosom friends,

We ate and drank together,

And the best part was I saw him off later,

He seemed quite pleased as he said his goodbyes,

Next time he probably won’t visit without a prior call again,

But its Mr. WB and with him we can never be sure!

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All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar (VRa).

The Soul’s UrgeĀ©|2020

BLOGGER RECOGNITION AWARD

So, this is going to be the first time that I am participating in an award nomination. I had been nominated when I first started the blog but as I am erratic I could never revert back.

So I am going to dedicate this post to the award I have recently been nominated for.

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1. Thank the blogger who nominated you. Provide a link to the blog.

2.Write a post to show your award.

3. Brief story of how your blog started.

4. Two pieces of advice to new bloggers.

5. Select up to 15 bloggers you want to give this award to.

6. Comment or ping back and provide a link to the post to the blogs you have nominated.

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First and foremost I would like to thank Vikas for nominating me for this award. He has a wonderful blog filled with the latest information of Cricket. He is a true cricket buff just like a lot of us. Do check out his blog at Cricket Vikas.

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After a tryst with various avenues which included journalism, Modelling and Event Management, I realised writing is my true calling. As I wrote content for websites and blogs alike, I observed people and couples around me a lot. I started writing about their inert desires. Also around this time I fell deeply in love with a man who used to write poetry in answer to mine. He became my inspiration and that led to the birth of my blog. Even though we aren’t together and his heart is owned by another; he still is one of my inspirations. After all, love is not always about conquering someone. Also, being an ambivert who doesn’t share her emotions much, this was an outlet for me to portray the various phases and whirlwind of emotions I go through in my life.

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Being very erratic on my blog, I am not someone who should be giving anyone any type of advice but as the rules say so.

1. Be REGULAR: As someone who is never regular, I would say if you start being consistent in your posts your blog you will garner more followers and likes. You should also be consistent in reading and commenting on other blogs.

2. THEME: Instead of merely pouring out your thoughts do so in a systematic manner. A blog with a theme catches more attention and has more followers.

Eg: ME. Haha! My life story is my own muse. So, I use my own photographs in my blog.

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So, please don’t mind if I miss you out since I am so erratic. These are fifteen of the blogs that I enjoy reading. So here goes.

1. Dracul Van Helsing

2. Perditus

3. Bon Repos Gites

4. SIMRAN TOTLANI

5. Life Tube

6. A Quest for the Uncliche

7. The unspoken

8. neseknows

9. Writing my thoughts

10. Tap ON

11. Freddie Mercury

12. Avid Observer

13. A Phoenix Rising

14. Something more than Nothing

15. Equinoxio21

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Thankyou!

If you want to get in touch with me mail me at vanya3rajwar@gmail.com

AN ETERNAL PROMISE

“A Tale of a Woman who has promised an Eternity to only one man in her Lifetime”

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Each time I talk to you,
I am filled with a warmth,
That words fail to describe.

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Each moment with you,
Brings time to a stand still,
My emotions an open book,
As I delve into their depths,
Everything, Only makes me realize;
There can never be another,
There is no other safe haven,
Not for me.

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I can’t promise an eternity to someone else,
Not in this lifetime,
Even if I failed to be your light,
The place you find peace,
Or your home.

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And as the tears flow down,
I just want you to know,
When it came to you,
Destiny never gave me a choice,
Love for you was preordained,
And ever since that happened,
Never once have I wanted to leave its snares.

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All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar. VRa.

The Soul’s UrgeĀ©|2019