FOR ONCE, SOMEONE

A Tale of a Woman Longing for Someone who understood the Paradox she was.

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All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar.

The Soul’s Urge©|2019

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GREY

A Tale of a Woman stuck in the Grey Zones

With the beginning of a New Year,

Her Soul that was Withered and Shattered,

Went through a major transformation,

It was the long awaited moments of Spiritual Awakening,

As her Earth Realities changed,

She embraced her true persona and flew unfettered.

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She realised she was never an extreme,

Neither the Epitome of Good,

Nor a Paragon of Evil,

She was a Paradox,

Benign yet Impassive.

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She was never a Friend to be called upon for Benefits,

But then she was also not the Commitment that one called a Relationship,

She was a Strings Attached,

Never given a Closure,

Used in accordance to Whims and Fancies,

An Obscure and Cavernous bond of a Situationship.

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Somewhere down the lane of the year begone,

She lost her Passion for a Romance Eternal.

She wasn’t the one you’d want,

If you wanted an everlasting ardor,

She was one holding on to the last vestiges of humanity to feel Alive,

So all she can provide is Love Universal.

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She wasn’t the Fury nor was she the Calm,

Despite the Pandemonium within her heart and mind,

She seemed at Peace with her Inner Self ,

This impressed upon the watching eye,

And she appeared to them as Divine and Ethereal.

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However, at the end of it all,

The realization hit her long and hard,

The cognizance that she was neither the Black nor the White,

She was just somewhere betwixt,

A Perfect Meld of all the shades GREY;

She was Devoid of Sadness,

But No; There was no Happiness,

Just a Soulful Numbness.

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All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar.

The Soul’s Urge©| 2019

MASTERPIECE

A Tale of a Masterpiece that is Mystic and Arcane.  

There is a reason I call her a MASTERPIECE,

She is the Angel’s Melody and The Devil’s Knell,

The Creator’s Epiphany,

He was thoughtful of each part and crease. 

                   

Mystic and Veiled, she is one of a kind,

Broken a number of times,

She still spreads love with an aching heart,

To the flaws of the world she seems blind.

                 

Her love is a tide of mystical vibes,

Touching the soul and searing it through.

Lucky will be the man who owns her heart,

He will possess the glow her eternal passion provides.

               

Her detachment is equally vile,

When her soul is set ablaze,

Witness the intense fury in her burning eyes,

Her wrath will ravage you down.

                                   

She is the peace of nature, a provider of solace,

She is a heavenly hell, a demonic bait,

Numerous are the facades that she wears, 

She hides a persona, Mystifying and Arcane.

            

               

All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar.

The Soul’s Urge©|2018

ETERNITY

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“A Short Tale of a Lifetime of Romance”

 

When I am with him,

I don’t want him to look at another woman longingly,

Wishing it had worked out with her.

 

Instead I want to be the woman,

He can look right into the eye,

And thank his stars that it never worked out with others.

I want to be the woman,

Who is recognized by his heart and soul,

As the one;

Who has loved him Eternally,

And will stand by him through Eternity.

 

 

All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar.

The Soul’s Urge©|2018

CORE

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“An Ode to the Iron woman of my Life: My Mother”

 She is tenacious and she is bold,

She is the CORE strength of my being.

She is freedom, she is care,

She is the woman who lets my wilderness, freely flow;

As she believes adventure is a way of finding your soul.

She is my backbone, she is my pillar,

She has been my crutch through my failures.

She is a teacher and sometimes a friend

yet both of us stay at loggerheads.

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The dynamics of our relationship are such,

Like a lion and a bull coming in touch.

We  remain calmly in each other’s domain,

but a slight ignition awakens the Alphas in us;

And makes all hell raise.

We both revel in nature,

We tend to loose ourselves in it.

Travel is how we find solace,

The only time when there are no tussels;

And we match each other’s pace.

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I never express much,

I have never been the kind.

It is in my anatomy I say;

As lesser display of affection,

is something from you that I have imbibed.

Our turbulent connection is one of a kind,

But that is exactly how we bind.

 I have changed over the years,

It took you long to realise;

And I know it still leaves you frustrated at times.

Till now you had been in search,

of the impression of your innocent child;

Which you were never able to find.

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I have countless flaws,

Never have I been the perfect child;

Still you have stood by me through it all.

Cold and callous I have been called,

Yet what I have put you through,

brings tears to my eyes;

I want to apologize for all my wrongs.

Mamma

Life has tested you time and again,

I had been watching it since chidhood;

but it was when the harsh realities of life made sense,

that the hurdles you faced, I understood.

I am a practical person as you very well know,

so I rarely say the phrase;

 I love and admire you,

For me you are a divine entity in play.

Wonderwoman, Superwoman, I have seen them all;

I can see their personification,

when my eyes, upon you, I lay.

I try to respect and love you through my actions,

yet my piercing words make everything go astray.

I know your heart is all embracing and forgiving,

yet I want to apologize for all the things said and done;

your blessings and never ending support for the road ahead is all I ask.

 

 

 

All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar.

The Soul’s Urge©|2018

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THE POINT

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“A Satirical Tale about the Point whence I stopped believing in Eternal Love”

I am tired of pleading people to love me,

The realisation that my real self does not interest them,

has finally dawned on me.

All I want right now is for all these men;

to let me be.

I tried loving once,

it was a puppy love, the kind you fall in at school,

it seemed so pure and true.

It ended when I realised that he was a dunce,

Besides me, there were three others in the lieu.

Oh the perils of love!!

Never will I love again, I took an oath that day;

but then time passes and things tend to change,

And I wasn’t able to keep things at bay.

I fell in love again, the shock came,

when I read his status on facebook one day,

stating he was gay.

He ended things on this note with me;

how cruel and deceptive can this world be,

I realised to my utter dismay.

No! No! No! I absolutely won’t love again,

I kept reminding myself after this instance,

as I fought with the pain.

But God’s work was not over with me,

and love crept up yet again;

My resistance, well, it was all in vain.

To this man I gave my all,

In hopes that he might stay;

it all ended in a debacle,

as another woman made his attention stray away,

so its obvious I had to leave him anyway.

I grew up with time,

All these love flings, I felt, were lessons of life.

I was in search for stability when I stumbled upon a person,

who I felt would be, worth the while.

I was happy and felt wanted,

after years of yearning;

But I guess I should have known better,

after all the years of learning.

His confusion and instable mind,

unnerved me to no extent.

I knew I was a prize,

At the end’ I had to quit;

I couldn’t stay with someone,

unsure about me.

I had finally decided I won’t look back,

then a person came and tried to heal me.

Heaven knows he was shattered more than me,

yet he made me laugh and smile.

He reasoned with his tact,

I knew he wasn’t over his latter love;

As he tried to rescue me I could sense his broken heart,

He needed the healing more than I did.

Despite having read it all,

I fell for him without refrain;

I tried hard not to but he had me chained.

I was shackled in his snares but this time round,

I knew better than to share.

This was the POINT, where come what may;

I knew I won’t love someone who treated me as a second choice,

someone with whom my inner self I couldn’t bare.

The point at which I could tolerate the ignorance,

bear the pain of separation, miss my whole existence,

but bowing down to someone who didn’t care

was worse than the pain of the cold shoulders and angry glares.

It was the point when I wanted to be with someone,

not for the avarice but for the romance;

Someone who would love my actual soul and not the facades I wear on a daily roll,

Someone who had the balls to accept me and never be deceitful towards me on the whole.

It was the point whence I knew without err that if a man couldn’t handle me,

fair and square,

then he didn’t deserve me at all.

My tryst with myself would continue for a lifetime,

even if such a man did not come my way,

this I forswear.

All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar.

The Soul’s Urge©|2018

ASHES

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“The Tale of a Love incinerated Soul”

He looked at her and smiled.

She smiled back but it never reached her eyes; the twinkle she always had in them whenever he was around was missing.

He realised he had already murdered the soul of the most special person in his life.

She wasn’t the girl he had fallen for anymore; he had pierced her right to the core.

She was still there for him but her warmth was missing.

She had become an empty void which was devoid of any sensations.

She was tired of waiting and had long stopped expecting.

He wanted his girl back but even he knew that the pain he had caused had already killed the girl he once loved.

Her ASHES were buried somewhere inside the blank space he was smiling at.

 

All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar.

The Soul’s Urge©|2018