1st milestone: 30k words

Hey everyone, as I had stated before that I would be treating my blog as a diary for the next three months (and more, decidedly MORE) so here I am after like TWO months? I suppose.

Never have I felt 30000 words to be a lot but damn, they sure are a lot so much so that they literally feel like an achievement. There were days where I had self-doubt and days where I had absolutely no motivation or energy. Like, when I write 30k words in my profession, they pay quite a lot, but here, I have no surety if this thing is going to pay me back or not. Lol! Then, there was the freaking festive season and I was cleaning and de-cluttering and being creative (not writing but decorating) during the Diwali season. But anyhow, somewhere it also feels amazing and satisfactory, since I am pursuing my passion which a number of people give up on.

I have always followed deadlines even for myself but I haven’t adhered to them this time around. I have definitely forced myself to write on a number of days and there have been nights when my thoughts have been shrouded by doubts. Imagine sitting in front of a blank page and thinking, “Vanya, FEAR, what if this doesn’t work?”

“Vanya, PANIC, your market rates as a freelancer will decrease!?”

“Vanya, ANXIETY, will it actually make your parents proud?”

“Vanya, TREPIDATION, what will the society say?”

“Vanya, ALARM, this is going to go nowhere. Just Give Up already”

And many such statements cropped into my mind, and for that, I should definitely say Kudos to my brain which is quite efficient at overthinking and has the capability of creating the worst-case scenarios.

Gosh, I have never worked so hard to keep a positive mindset. I have always felt at ease even when I am faced with critical situations and have seen the silver lining in everything. Never have I experienced any situation more harrowing than this. I keep reminding myself (I have started repeating positive affirmations but then again I have a wonderful brain that seeps in the middle of my affirmations.)

“Whatever happens, happens for a reason.” (My brain: It doesn’t. It’s all your fault.)

“I am proud of all that I have achieved.” (My brain: Damn, have you even achieved anything?)

*Eye roll* You get the idea.

I have waded through all of this crap and actually managed to write 30k words. When I saw the bottom left corner of the MS word document, I couldn’t have been happier. Damn, I really need to pat myself on the back. Somehow, I have reached this milestone. Editing aside, at least I wrote something that I would be able to edit.

Goodbye, Thanks for the support. Hoping you all enjoy the coming month of December.

This is Vanya signing off for today.

Vanya’s brain: Why are you even doing all this. Your planet might get destroyed before you write your book down. Anything can happen in the Universe. You are an insignificant race. You should stop praying to the Universe. Stephen Hawking said you all are chemical scum on a moderately sized planet.

Yeah brain, okay. Just Shut up.

Goodnight all!

P.S: I just went with the flow and didn’t check for typos so, my apologies if you find any.

Thanks for visiting!

Journey to my Next Book: Begins

Embarking on my next journey

“This is it,” my mind screamed, “I have to do it.” I was in my bed, lying down thinking about the story I had started writing a few months ago, one which I had deleted time and again. Sometimes, it was after a thousand words, sometimes five thousand and the last one I remember had already reached nearly twenty thousand. I hadn’t found the satisfaction till a few mornings ago.

For me, unless I am able to transmit myself into a world of eternity that turns me into a hermit and cuts me off from the rest of the living world, when I have no idea what the time is, when the voices outside nullify themselves because I am in the flow of eternity with a story I am living, it’s not writing.

The dawn of that morning was similar to many other mornings which I had probably missed because I am a late riser but what was different was the sudden burst of inspiration. The character I had been trying so hard to visualize all these months had finally started unfurling its story to me.

As I went about my work that day, catering to clients, trying to memorize that character and how to formulate its story, I felt frustrated. I just wanted to write, nothing more and nothing less but I just couldn’t. As a freelancer I don’t have a wonderful life as some people envisage it to be. I have deadlines, the stress of pitches not getting accepted, there are stories which are rejected, the revisions, writing about topics which you detest but you have to because you have bills to pay and a lot more. Sometimes, I don’t even have a relieving weekend unlike many people out there.

By the time I got free, I was way too burnt out to write anything at all. It wasn’t like I didn’t have the will power but my brain and body refused to cooperate with me. This was when I decided to take the plunge. I took the major decision of not taking up projects, not sending pitches, not putting up bids for the next few months while I am writing.

There have always been two factions when it comes to leaving jobs for pursuing something you are passionate about. Some take the plunge and leave the job while some don’t. I believe it differs from person to person. The only thing I knew was if I had to write the story it needed my full time and attention. Considering I hope to send it for traditional publishing, I already know it’s a hard road ahead. It isn’t going to be easy but I am ready to give my all.

Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot of difference. They don’t have to make speeches. Just believing is enough.

Stephen King

I have a believer in my mother, the lady is also one of the reasons that I could take such a humongous decision. “Chase after your dreams, even if I am not alive. Never give up,” were her words when I had first decided to write a book and some day I hope I get the chance to make her proud. In a country where creativity is looked down upon unless you carve a name for yourself, her support acts as a pillar of strength for me. I won’t deny that I am blessed as not everyone is lucky enough to have a mother like mine. In fact, we are surrounded by people who probably just want to sing praises about their children’ monetary and educational achievements. Nobody asks whether that was what the child wanted or was he/she conditioned by the society to work towards it or was it what the parents wanted when they reiterated “parents know best”. There are various questions and a myriad of answers which I don’t want to delve into.

For the time being I have moved to a corner room in my parents’ house where I can write at ease. Since, I have already been living a hermit’s life as a freelancer, cooped up inside with my laptop, it isn’t much of a change for me. I know my parents are worried and probably want me to go outside and make connections and gain exposure but I believe in the universe and my gut tells me that I need to write this book before involving myself in anything else. Over the next few months I will probably be treating my blog just as a mere diary on the longest of journeys that I have ever embarked upon. I know there will be confusion, some self doubt, rejections, maybe even bouts of depression and we can never deny the probability of a failure but I have made up my mind to overcome these obstacles and follow through with my passion. If nothing, it will only end up polishing me.

I hope you all can live this journey with me and support me in the same since I believe that the good wishes of many can act as a booster for one’s hopes. Having written ten thousand words that have given me an immersive and eternal experience in the past five days have only strengthened my belief in my decision. They are words I was able to write freely in a continuous flow and I think are much better than what I had managed in the past seven months since the idea had first struck me. I feel content, and I think that is all I wanted.

If you have actually read it till the end, then a big THANKS!

Adios! Until next time!

– Vanya Rajwar, 07/10/2021

I will Marry when I am Ready

“I will marry only when I am ready,” she said.

Its time for you to marry, they say,

You are reaching your late 20s, they say,

It’s the right time to marry, they say,

We have found eligible men for you, they say,

You expect me to marry a random stranger? I ask disbelievingly,

I am not ready, I am not prepared,

Unless it’s someone I am deeply in love with,

How can you even think of such a thing?

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Marry, they say,

Your value will decrease with time, they say,

You won’t have as many choices in your 30s, they say,

Am I a commodity to you that my value will dilapidate with age? I ask,

How hard is it to digest a woman wanting to focus on her career? I ask,

What makes you decide it’s the right time for me to marry? I ask.

.

Do you have someone in your heart? they say,

If you do tell us, we can talk to him, they say,

What if he is focusing on his career right now? I ask,

What if I want to wait for us both to succeed in life? I ask,

What if I can’t have another in my heart? I ask,

Will you let me be if I tell you that? I ask.

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You ought to marry early, they say,

Timely kids and Timely adjustments are the way to go, they say,

Will you guarantee me an understanding of a lifetime? I ask,

With your arranged matches will you be able to give me the love I seek? I ask,

I am trying to pave my way in life,

I want to mature slightly more,

I am not prepared and I am not ready,

Who gives society the right to dictate that I should marry? I ask.

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Some marry at twenty, some marry at thirty,

Some marry at forty and some marry after fifty,

Who decides on the right age to marry?

Why does society comment on the right age to marry?

I want to make a mark for myself before I marry,

I am not prepared, I am not ready to take on the responsibility,

I can’t love another for a long time that’s coming and I prefer waiting,

Why can’t people wait? What is the hurry?

Oh! You all really needn’t worry,

I will surely marry but only when I am ready.

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All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar (VRa).

The Soul’s Urge©|2021

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P.S.: I have been away for very long but everything had taken a backseat during the pandemic. As I am coming out of my glum state of mind and inspiration has started striking again, I will be more regular!! Thankyou for supporting me and still reading my work!

💓YOU WE 💓

BOOK REVIEW TITLE: YOU WE AUTHOR: VANYA RAJWAR GENRE: ROMANTIC FICTION RATINGS: 4.6/5 ⭐ 🖤Vanessa, shortly V, 22 years old, strong and independent girl, is quite different from others. How could one define her? A Rebel or a Manizer (as her friends call her)? She is unique in her own ways, riding bike, being frank, […]

💓YOU WE 💓

Also, I wanted to repose and share this review of my book on one of our fellow blogger’s sites.

She is an avid reader. Do visit her blog too for more such reviews. ❤️

Men I dated: PART 1: OVER? OKAY!

So I have decided to do a series of posts on the various men I have dated. What inspired me? Well besides being my own muse, my friends often tell me your love life is nothing short of a bollywood movie. Haha! So, let’s begin.

Number 1: He was dating three others!

I call myself a tormented romantic,

Not because I don’t believe in love,

It’s because of the men that I have dated,

And their extremely unique antics.

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I fell in puppy love at school,

Don’t we love the bad boys when we are in that pool,

He was a stuntsman and a rugged human,

If you ask me now I would call such a boy a pure ruffian,

And how the girls used to go gaga over him,

Is beyond what today, I can fathom.

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I was a good friend of his,

People often teased us about it,

One day he proposed to me out of the blue,

Was it genuine or on a whim?

That, I never understood.

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I enjoyed the attention for a good three years,

The popularity that comes from dating a well known ruffian,

Whenever he stood outside my class,

Everyone would hoot and comments they would pass.

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You would think we were happy and in bliss,

But three years later I found out,

He was dating one of my friends’ friend.

What unfolded after that was a trauma in the past,

But extremely laughable when I think of it,

As puppy love very rarely lasts.

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Well as I said it was traumatic for me,

He had started dating another,

Within the first half year,

Of when he started to date me.

After that he had been on a dating spree,

As he had another one too in his kitty,

With my acquaintance being the latest addition to it.

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My town was quite small and conserved when I was a kid,

So hiding four girlfriends from each other,

I must say Kudos to such talent!

Finally I did confront him one day,

Told him we needed to end this farce completely,

Three years? he had asked, Over?

I had a knot in my throat as I nodded,

All he said was Okay!

As he shrugged and walked away.

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I had looked at his receding figure in the distance,

Not once did he turn that fateful day,

The tears flowed out of my eyes,

And that was how I got cheated on in my first relationship itself.

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I laugh out loud today at the incidence,

And Oh! He did come back with apologies,

And do you know when?

A good four years later, with a heartfelt one,

But what good was it by then?

And this is how our romance ended.

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He is a good friend as of today,

But he still feels guilty for his infidelity,

Even though I have forgiven him for his childish capers,

I can’t help him with the remorse he feels.

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All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar (VRa).

The Soul’s Urge©|2020

WAIT

The tale of her never ending wait.

It’s funny how each time she is at her gate,

Her eyes flicker towards the corner towards her house,

Like you would round the corner any moment,

The way you had promised years back,

This is the story of her WAIT.

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At times she just shakes her head,

Knowing the remote possibility of it ever happening,

She often laughs at her own anticipation,

The dashed hopes and the futility of the waiting,

At times she wonders why she even waits.

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Still every morning, every night,

Anytime she stands at her gate,

Her eyes still rove at the corner,

Constantly awaiting your arrival,

She imagines herself blushing when she would see you at her place,

Each time you don’t appear, she bows her head and goes inside,

Only to resume the wait again.

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And this cycle continues forever,

Each day, every day, it never ends,

The corner has started corroding still you haven’t arrived,

With forlorn eyes that blur at times,

She still looks towards it,

This is how she waits.

.

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All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar (VRa).

The Soul’s Urge ©|2020

My Paws

A Dedication post for my six pairs of paws that have been my constant companions. She probably thinks I am strangling her in this picture. Haha!

During a particularly rough monsoon season,

Eleven years ago,

A tiny being lay outside my house,

She was injured and she was in pain,

As the rains poured hard that night,

She looked at me with her beady eyes,

I brought a blanket outside,

Wrapped her up and brought her inside,

Nobody came to claim her for very long,

She became a part of our family,

She was small and she was frail, we called her Tinki which means tiny,

Eleven years down , she still hasn’t grown much, delicate as a butterfly,

My constant companion, her paw in mine,

All I have had in the worst of times.

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Six years ago I heard about a litter of puppies,

I went to have a look at them,

A small little head popped out and looked at me,

His owner dangled him in front of me, wanting to get rid of him,

I took an immediate liking to this overly active being,

Took him home to give Tinki a companion,

Called him Rocky as that was the movie playing at the time,

Years down the lane, he is as active as he was as a pup,

No wall is too high and no gate can stop him,

When I am sad he rolls his head in my lap,

And all my worries and stress fly away.

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Five years ago my uncle called me to his home,

I went and was surprised to see a big, fat pup wrapped in a towel,

He said she was two months old,

It was quite unbelievable considering her size,

She was a gift to my uncle who couldn’t care for her,

So she was gifted to me and I brought her home happily.

Wrapped her in the same blanket in which I had brought Tinki in,

Named her Lica, the first dog in space since she looked so unique,

Five years down she is a giant beauty,

Possessive and protective of everyone in the family,

Last year before my birthday she became a mother,

Gave me the most beautiful gifts in the form of six pups,

Whenever I feel low, she comes and sits with me,

Nuzzles my face and my tears dry quickly.

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I call them my paws,

More loyal than most humans,

They Shower me with the purest form of unconditional love,

To all those who say I have kept them unnecessarily, I pay no heed,

Because their love and silent companionship has kept me alive,

They have helped me pass the darkest phases of life,

Their love is unadulterated to the very core,

It nurtures me as well as my soul,

They are all god’s gifts,

They are all I could ever need.

.

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All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar (VRa)

The Soul’s Urge©|2020

What is Closure?

Firstly, I am really sorry that I haven’t been able to stay regular despite having promised the same.

Just been promoting my book and hence, I have been a bit busy. So I have decided to do a short question answer session for the readers.

A short poetry on a closure I got. What is your take on closure?

I had been clinging to false hopes,

Despite knowing the truth,

I stayed wanting to bind him with love,

A love to which he paid no heed,

He fell for another and I was left alone,

Many nights I spent crying myself hoarse.

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He and I were a story I wanted to tell,

And as I began penning it down,

Somewhere through those pages I found a closure,

Not all stories conclude themselves,

Not all stories are happily ever after tales,

Sometimes it’s necessary for us to give ourselves the closures we seek,

We deserve it to thrive again, it’s the Soul’s need.

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When I saw the author copies of my book and went through them, I had sighed. It was my closure to a beautiful chapter in my life and I was really glad. Sometimes we get closures when we least expect them and that’s what happened with me. It brought me a peace I hadn’t experienced in ages. My first book will remain close to my heart, for many reasons and this is one of them.

What are your thoughts on Closure? Let me know in the comments section.

Excerpt: Preordained

A quote from the beginning of my book.

“Because there was nobody like you, there is nobody like you. Nights I have spent thinking I don’t deserve you but as time passes our souls come meandering through. Love for you was preordained, destiny never gave me a choice when it came to you.”
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Vanessa, the protagonist of my story is an inherent part of me. After all she is partly inspired from me. You We is her story, a paradox of sorts, a Manizer as well as a hopeless romantic who is immensely in love with her hometown Dehradun and has refused to leave it despite the opportunities. Many do lust after her but will this woman find true, eternal love is the question?
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I had always been an avid reader and I have so many books that at times I wonder if I should open a library. Infact, I sell books each year just to make space for more. As a child I grew up on Ruskin Bond and Enid Blyton. Each time I visited Landour (Bond’s abode), I often wondered how it would feel to stay there and write. I always imagined myself sitting on one of the benches in the lap of nature and write my first book. That had always been my dream.
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Unfortunately, the experience of writing my first book was quite an unbelievable one. My mid life crisis was a global pandemic but yes, fortunately it gave me time to follow my passion and my parents supported me so I did. After all ever since I started writing my blog (link in bio) they wanted me to be a published author. And I love them for that! Also, funnily enough, I am an ardent reader of Classics and I pride in my classic collections but I ended up writing a youthful romance in the most simplistic language (probably for the younger generation of millenials and the 21st century kids) Haha! It took even me by surprise as it is quite different from the poetry I write.
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I just hope people read it and like it. And to all who read it do leave your reviews!

INTERNATIONAL PRINT BOOKS:
Amazon.com: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1648506267
Amazon.co.uk: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1648506267

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Now available across all platforms.
PRINT BOOKS INDIA:
Amazon.in: https://www.amazon.in/dp/1648506267
Flipkart: https://www.flipkart.com/you-we/p/itm0a37e53729ab5?pid=9781648506260

For all the E-BOOK READERS out there:
Amazon Kindle: https://www.amazon.in/You-We-Coincidental-Vanya-Rajwar-ebook/dp/B08BKJ3RM7
Kobo: https://www.kobo.com/in/en/ebook/you-we
Google Playstore: https://play.google.com/store/books/details/Vanya_Rajwar_You_We?id=12jsDwAAQBAJ
Apple books: https://books.apple.com/us/book/id1523141870

I hope people read it. And if you like it do leave a review!

Also I would love to interact with people who visit my blog and know more about you. I might be SOCIALLY ERRATIC but I love to converse. Haha! I am trying to be more interactive on a daily basis now. So, Do comment, mail or text me!

Trailer and Book Out

Finally available on all platforms!

The lockdown proved to be a huge drawback for my book but finally the trailer is out and it is also available on all platforms.

I hope you all will keep supporting me, a woman who has the heart of a nine year old and is on the path of realising her childhood dream. I had tears in my eyes when I held my book in my hand, I probably couldn’t believe it.

I fearfully hope to become a recognised author someday. For the time being I just want to follow my passion and keep writing, making my imagination as well as observations come alive on paper. Thankyou again for all the love and support.

Link to the trailer of my book: YOU WE: The Trailer Do watch and enjoy.

Available on the following platforms:
PRINT BOOKS INDIA :
Amazon.in: https://www.amazon.in/dp/1648506267
Flipkart: https://www.flipkart.com/you-we/p/itm0a37e53729ab5?pid=9781648506260

INTERNATIONAL PRINT BOOKS:
Amazon.com: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1648506267
Amazon.co.uk: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1648506267

For all the E-BOOK READERS out there:
Amazon Kindle: https://www.amazon.in/You-We-Coincidental-Vanya-Rajwar-ebook/dp/B08BKJ3RM7
KOBO: https://www.kobo.com/in/en/ebook/you-we Google Playstore: https://play.google.com/store/books/details/Vanya_Rajwar_You_We?id=12jsDwAAQBAJ
Apple Books: https://books.apple.com/us/book/id1523141870

Do Grab your copies (if you want to). I have written it in the most simplistic format to make it easy for all to understand and also to make it a smooth read. I hope you read it and support my dream. if you like it do leave your reviews. Haha!

You are free to text me as and when you please on Insta or Facebook or you can just mail me.

Instagram: vanya_rajwar

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vanya.rajwar

Thankyou!! ❤️❤️

All Rights Reserved. Vanya Rajwar (VRa)

The Soul’s Urge©|2020